It is Well with My Soul

Today was one of those horrible days.  Being homeless and jobless; recovering from open heart surgery, having no money has taken it's toll on me.  I am being pushed to the edge of all that I can handle.  This morning either I misplaced or someone stole my cell phone.  For me, this is almost the straw that broke the camel's back.

However, I remember when I tried being a Mormon, I flew to Salt Lake City to the semi annual conference.  The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, this Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang the song, "It is Well With My Soul"!  With ever fiber of my being I try to remember the peace and contentment I felt when I heard these words.

Will I find my phone?  I have no idea.  Do I believe in a God who will help me through this trial?  All I can do is recite scripture.  "Consider it pure joy my friends when you face trials and temptations of every kind."

Be joyful always.  Pray Continually.  Give thanks for all things.

Feed the Birds

The best thing in the world for these two little boys, Bobby and Donnie was to meet each other.  Now like two peas in a pod, they did not want to be apart from each other.  When Bobby's mom came to pick him up, she was bombarded with pleas and false promises that they would always be good and do everything they were asked.  I apologized that I had no idea what the two had planned in private.  Normally, Ms. Andrews does not like to be backed into the corner but she had a soft spot for these two little boys who were so happy. After dinner, Bobby asked his mother if they would be able to watch Mary Poppins.  They promised to go right to bed after this movie as this was their first sleep over.  Ms. Andrews knew that the boys would be up half the night clowning around, but nevertheless, she agreed. When I went to pick up Donnie this morning, the roles were reversed.  Both boys bombarded me with wanting to spend the sunny beautiful Santa Barbara day together.  After asking Bobby's mom, we were off on our first adventure. "Bobby, what would you like to do?" "Let's go feed the birds!"  Simultaneously the boys exclaimed.

They might not be pigeons nor is this St. Paul's cathedral, but seagulls and the ocean are quite a remarkable sight.  With several bags of bread from Trader Joe's that had to be thrown away from the Casa Esperanza, we were off to the beach.  The weather today was 78 degrees.  A cold day in California :)  While we were feeding the seagulls, it made me think of another Disney movie.  The scene in Finding Nemo with all the seagulls screeching "Mine."  Mine."  Mine."  I made me smile. When we ran out of bread, I asked Donnie, "What would you like to do?" In sync, the two boys yelled, "Let's go fly a kite." I wonder where they get these ideas.

When You Wish Upon a Star

Donnie wanted to go to the Fellowship Club today.  He wanted to meet Bobby.  Donnie and Bobby instantly clicked.  Almost magical.  The first thing these two five year old boys had in common was that their favorite Disney character is Jiminy Cricket.  They both came running to me beggingthat we would be able to watch the movie Pinocchio together.  As I popped up some popcorn and got Bobby and Donnie their favorite soft drink.  I asked these "two soon to be bouncing off the wall" kids what their favorite movie candy was.  The question was rhetorical but they both do not know the meaning of that word yet. 

"Raisenettes!"  Donnie exclaimed.

"Sour Patch Kids!"  Roared Bobby.

As we hopped unto the couch, Bobby and Donnie sat so close together, one would think they were siamese twins.  They wanted to be able to share their candy with each other.  I started the dvd and we all enter the Disney world of animation and imagination.

I wonder what Donnie would be dreaming about tonight?

When Bobby saw a star this evening, I wonder what Bobby would wish.

As for me, one of my dreams came true.  To find a friend for Bobby and Donnie.

Looking at the Man in the Mirror

There is a man at the Mental Health Facility named Jimmy.  Jimmy has been so depressed and distraught over his missing black sweatshirt hoodie.  He can not figure out whether it fell off his bike or someone stole it from him.  Not only was it his sweatshirt but the contents in the pockets that had him downward spiraling.  In the pockets, there was a bike light and a bottle of incense called Serenity that he uses for meditation.

As I listened and pondered, it became clear that I was looking at the man in the mirror. 

"Jimmy, did the fellowship club give you the sweatshirt? "

"Yes."  Jimmy replied.

"Marlin gave you the bike light, right?"

"Right."

"The incense was given to you by Anna, correct?"

"Correct."

As I asked each question, a chord rang in my heart.  I also get so attached to things.  Thinking of the throwing away most of my possessions before I moved to California still has me traumatized.

"Jimmy, instead of thinking that you lost or someone stole your things, may I make a suggestion?

"Sure!"  Jimmy said.

"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  Maybe consider the thought that God needed your things for a homeless person to stay warm, be able to light his path and to find some Serenity?"

"That's nice.  I really like that."  Jimmy seemed a relieved.

My new friend Bobby

There is a little five year old boy who I have met at the Mental Health Center.  One of the sweetest human beings I have ever known.  For confidentiality purposes, let's call him Bobby.  Bobby is a scared little boy who has been traumatized by being molested at a very young age.  He often sits by himself and rocks back and forth.  Bobby likes to play card games and I am teaching him how to play chess.

While we were playing chess today, he mentioned that he wishes that someone would just be able to hold him like he sees when he watches movies.  The bible verse, "I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me!"  Galatians 2:20  came to my mind.  For anyone who has known me for any amount of time, you know this is one of my favorite scripture verses.  One year I contemplated and pondered daily for a year as to exactly how this was possible.  Today everything became crystal clear to me.

"Bobby, would you like me to give you a big "ole" bear hug?"  I asked.

Hesitantly and frightened, Bobby said, "Yes, that would be nice."

Slowly and carefully with another staff member watching me, I gave Bobby a hug.  Bobby squeezed so tight.  Actually, I was quite surprised how strong his embrace was.  After a few moments, I went to release the hug but Bobby squeezed tighter.  Bobby and I sat there for several minutes in the big "ole" bear hug" I promised.  I could feel his tears dripping on my neck.  This made me start to cry as I was beginning to understand the love of Jesus.

Faith is waiting on things hoped for

FAITH

by Patrick Overton

When you walk to the edge of all the light you have
and take the first step into the darkness of the unknown,
you must believe that one of two things will happen:

There will be something solid for you to stand upon,
or, you will be taught how to fly,


Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength,
they will run and not grow weary,
they will be lifted up on the wings of eagles. 


Rivers belong where they can ramble,
eagles belong where they can fly.
I've got to be where my spirit can be free,
Got to find my corner of the sky.
   A song from the musical, Pippin


Although my life is falling apart and I am on the brink of insanity,
I trust and have the faith to hope that God will put it all back together.

Faith is waiting on things hoped for!

Happy Thanksgiving

With Thanksgiving behind us, it became clear to me what an ingrate I can be.


 Instead of complaining about being homeless, I have learned to be thankful for the Casa Esperanza, a transitional living facility, where I am provided a warm bed and three meals a day.  The greatest lesson I have learned is to be more compassionate to the homeless.  With a few wrong turns, many people can end up finding themselves "on the street".  Never did I think I would find myself amongst the homeless but here I am.                                                                      My finances are a nightmare as I have not worked for almost two years.  However, I have learned to be more frugal.  How thankful I am that God has provided for all my needs during my financial famine.  I pick up pennies.          Being homeless and jobless means nothing when you do not have your health.  Being a mental health patient is so expensive when you consider the costs of medications, therapists and formal group therapy settings.  Complicated with having open heart surgery this past October,  I am SO thankful for having an Uncle Sam who has picked up my $80,000.00 procedure.  This is only one of five procedures that I have had to undergo this past year.  Thank God I am a veteran. What is God trying to teach me in all of this.  Answer is simple.  Only 3 things:  First, Be joyful always, Second, Pray continually and Third, Give thanks to God for everything for this is God's will for you and me.   Happy Thanksgiving!