Wednesday, August 22, 2012

From This Moment


From today on, I am in charge of my life.

Today I rise above my limitations.

Today I release all my hurts and resentments
   and let forgiveness set me free.

Today I say yes to me and to love and to my power
   to make positive decisions.

My past is over and can't be changed.
Today I accept it and let it go lovingly.

I am creating a happier life by practicing forgiveness
   of myself and others.

Miracles are happening to me because I am willing
   to be changed and healed.

I feel happy and free.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

The Path


I know the path; it is strait and narrow.
It is like the edge of a sword.
I rejoice to walk on it.
I weep when I slip.
God's word is:
"He who strives never perishes."
I have implicit faith in that promise.
Though, therefore, from my weakness
I fail a thousand times,
I shall not lose faith.

Words of wisdom from Mahatma Gandhi

Thursday, July 19, 2012

What Dreams May Come


The past is the past.

I will think about tomorrow tomorrow.

All that is important is that I stay present in this moment.

With that said, I am praying that God gives me the dream that he has always had planned for me.  Most of my life,  I have chased after fantasies.  Delusions of Grandeur.  For the first time I can remember, I asked God to show me a dream that he has planned for me.

After being in a depression for over a decade, it is foreign territory for me to embrace life.  Thoughts of suicide.  Imploring God to let me die.  Being angry at God that he would not answer my prayers to seize to exist.  Actually I stand corrected.  God answered my prayer.  Just NOT the way I wanted Him too.

God has a reason for me on this earth.  My focus needs to be to sit and patiently wait for God to answer my prayer for the dream He has planned for me.  There are ONLY two things I need to do.  1)  Love God.   2)  Love Others.

Love is patient.

Patiently I wait on the Lord!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Keep Your Dream


Printed from Motivational Stories  written by Stephen on 17th November 2008

I have a friend named Monty Roberts who owns a horse ranch in San Ysidro.  He has let me use his house to put on fund-raising events to raise money for youth at risk programs. 

The last time I was there he introduced me by saying, "I want to tell you why I let Jack use my house.  It all goes back to a story about a young man who was the son of an itinerant horse trainer who would go stable to stable, race track to race track, farm to farm and ranch to ranch, training horses.  As a result, the boy's high school career was continually interrupted.  When he was a senior, he was asked to write a paper about what he wanted to be and do when he grew up.

That night he wrote a seven-page describing his goal of someday owning a horse ranch.  He wrote about his dream in great detail and he even drew a diagram of a 200-acre ranch, showing the location of all the buildings, the stable and the track.  Then he drew a detailed floor plan for a 4,000 square-foot house that would sit on a 200-acre dream ranch.

He put a great deal of his heart into the project and the next day he handed it in to his teacher.  Two days later he received his paper back.  On the front was a large red F with a note that read, "See me after class".

The teacher said, "This is an unrealistic dream for a young boy like you.  You have no money.  You come from an itinerant family.  You have no resources.  Owning a horse ranch requires a lot of money.  You have to buy the land.  You have to pay for the original breeding stock and later you'll have to pay large stud fees.  There's no way you could ever do it."  Then the teacher added, "If you rewrite this paper with a more realistic goal, I will reconsider your grade".

The boy went home and thought about it long and hard.  He asked his father what he should do.  His father said, "Look son, you have to make up your own mind on this.  However, I think it is very important decision for you."  Finally, after sitting with it for a week, the boy turned in the same paper, making no changes at all.

He stated, "You can keep the F and I'll keep my dream."

Monty then turned to the assembled group and said, "I tell you this story because you are sitting in my 4,000 square-foot house in the middle of my 200-acre horse ranch.  I still have that school paper framed over the fireplace."  He added, "The best part of the story is that two summers ago that same school teacher brought 30 kids to camp out on my ranch for a week."  When the teacher was leaving, he said, "Look, Monty, I can tell you this now.  When I was your teacher, I was something of a dream stealer.  During those years I stole a lot of kid's dreams.  Fortunately you had enough gumption not to give up on yours."

Don't let anyone steal your dreams.  Follow your heart, no matter what.

Someone stole my dream.  It no longer matters who it was.  The important thing is that I need to decide what my dream is now.  No more fantasies but a real dream.  If someone stole your dream, maybe we can dream together and inspire each other "To Dream the Impossible Dream."

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Enjoy your life at every moment


Once a fisherman was sitting near seashore, under the shadow of a tree smoking his beedi.  Suddenly a rich businessman passing by approached him and inquired as to why he was sitting under a tree smoking and not working.  To this the poor fisherman replied that he had caught enough fishes for the day.

Hearing this the rich businessman got angry and said:  Why don't you catch more fishes instead of sitting in the shadow wasting your time?

Fisherman asked:  What would I do by catching more fishes?

Businessman:  You could catch more fishes, sell them and earn more money, and buy a bigger boat.

Fisherman:  What would I do then?

Businessman:  You could go fishing in deep waters and catch even more fishes and earn even more money.

Fisherman:  What would I do then?

Businessman:  You could buy many boats and employ many people to work for you and earn even more money.

Fisherman:  What would I do then?

Businessman:  You could be a rich businessman like me.

Fisherman:  What would I do then?

Businessman:  You could enjoy your life peacefully.

Fisherman:  What do you think I am doing right now?

MORAL ~  You don't need to wait for tomorrow to be happy and enjoy your life.  You don't even need to be more rich, more powerful to enjoy life.  LIFE is at this moment, enjoy it fully.

As some great men have said "My riches consist not in extent of my possessions but in the fewness of my wants".

This was written by Stephen on November 20th,  2008 in Motivational Stories

Butterfly Freedom

"And what's a butterfly?  At best,

He's but a caterpillar,  At rest."  Quote by John Grey


Most of my life,  I have been chasing fantasies and delusions of grandeur in the hopes of transforming my life.  Whether I be like Cinderella singing, "In my own little corner in my own little way, I can be whoever I want to be!" or "Some day my prince will come."  Whether I be a little peasant girl or boy,  I am waiting for my fairy Godmother to change me into a beautiful princess or prince.  How many years were wasted hoping that I would be able to marry Princess Diana?



Recently I had an epiphany.  What's wrong with being a caterpillar?  I love being a caterpillar.  I love being me.  Now I rest knowing that I am just the way that God knew I would be.  Besides "He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it!"  It is God's job to transform me.  All I need to do is rest.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

You are the Light of the World


"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."  Author Unknown

Change is exactly what Donnie and  I need.  How many times have we been told or have read that "We are the Light of the World"?  Yet our many personalities seem to be trapped in the darkness of one of the chambers in our mind.  At first, I thought it would be best to exterminate or eliminate all the different personalities that exist.  After contemplation and meditation, it now becomes clear that just as I was created to take care of Donnie,  it is also my duty and challenge to take care of the many individuals that Donnie has created.  Donnie has introduced me to Danny, Dolly, Don, Donn, JT, Donald and Donald William Harbeck.  The others are still afraid to meet with me and watch carefully in the shadows of my mind as Donnie and I work together to assure that our desire is to love each one of these fragmented and dissociative personalities.  Someone reading this might think that I am just a compulsive liar or as one psychiatrist stated, "a malingerer".  Think what you may, but as Shakespeare wrote, "To Thine Own Self Be True!"

"The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity." Attributed to GeorgeCarlin

There is a lot of work this worm or this caterpillar needs to do.  Monday and Wednesday we go to a Bipolar support group.  Tuesday is Meditation class and Dual Diagnosis support group and Depression support.  Thursday there are two other support meetings we attend.  Three therapisst have been contacted to help us learn how to manage and cope with mental illness while we journey towards mental wellness.  Between the VA clinic, Casa Esperanza and the Fellowship Club in Santa Barbara, they are certain to help transform this caterpillar into a butterfly.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly."  Richard Bach

"I saw a poet chase a butterfly in a meadow.  He put his net on a bench where a boy sat reading a book.  It's a misfortune that it is usually the other way around."  Karl Kraus

So it with us.  I sit next to the boy reading a book on the bench.

"Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time."  Deborah Chaskin