Saturday, March 30, 2013
My Praying Cherub for the Garden
It is the little things that have become so important to me! A friend of mine gave me a gift card and I am so happy with my newest purchase for the garden. Is not my praying cherub one of the cutest things you have ever seen? Maybe not the most practical use of a gift card, but no one can put a price on the JOY this little cherub will bring me every time I come to the garden alone. And with Easter being tomorrow, what better reminder that we should pray, give thanks and praise our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Moulin Rouge
While I was homeless and jobless, I was given the opportunity to attend the Culinary Arts Training (CAT) program at the Santa Barbara City College. In my possession is a certificate which qualifies me as a chef and I also earned a five year management Serve Safe credential.
Last night, I decided to apply and practice my trade. To start, I made an artichoke and hearts of palm salad with fresh spring greens, toasted split almonds and petite red tomatoes drizzled with a raspberry vinaigrette dressing which I made from fresh raspberries. To practice my baking, I rolled out crescent rolls from scratch.
For the main entrée, I made chicken cacciatore John Thomas style. Fresh red and green peppers sliced in strips with mushrooms, onions and black olives smothered in a homemade Italian tomato sauce. After browning and baking the chicken, I sauté the chicken which I deboned in the sauce. After about an hour, I place the chicken on the plate with spaghetti and pour the sauce over both. For color, I add steamed broccoli and stuffed mushrooms.
I pop in the musical Moulin Rouge and I am transported back in time to the year 1988 when Donn went to the Moulin Rouge for the first time. One of the best nights of his life, Donn remembers being with friends including Joyce Koenig. Joyce Koenig had arranged for Donn to be chosen to be selected to perform on stage. She had also arranged for the entire party to be at the head table front and center. It was the time of his life.
You may be wondering what Donn was asked to perform? He was chosen to be the ventriloquist's dummy. The ventriloquist spoke in French so he had no idea what was being said. Donn just opened and closed his mouth whenever the ventriloquist signaled. The audience howled and internet lingo ROFL. Maybe the comedian was making a fool out of him but in Donn's mind, he was a STAR!
What a wonderful evening! Some of the best food I have ever made. Great memories of the Moulin Rouge. A great musical to dine with. The only thing missing was YOU!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
One of My Favorite Places
Physically I may be in Santa Barbara. However, during Holy week, my mind and spirit are in Big Sur. Over a decade ago, I was contemplating on becoming a monk. Unfortunately, I became the male version of Maria from "The Sound of Music" and the abbot told me that "I was not an asset for their abbey." Although I was not chosen, my heart and soul were given to God to be set apart for His purposes. If you are unable to find me, you are certain to know that I am at one of my favorite places in the world communing with my Savior.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Indecent Proposal
Donnie is a paranoid schizophrenic with a bipolar disorder who struggles with depression, anxiety and stress. One of the voices he hears or one of the personalities he talks to some of the time name is Donn. Donnie was kind enough to introduce me to Donn recently. Here is a picture when Donn was in Greece in 1988. Recently Donn was in Santa Barbara, California.
Donn was walking on State street and someone thought he was a prostitute. The man offered him $10.00 to have sex with him. When Donn declined, the old man paused and then offered him $20.00 dollars. Again, Donn declined. The old man was very persistent and determined and said, "You drive a hard bargain, I will give you $50.00 and that is my final offer."
"First of all, I am not bargaining with you." Donn told the old man. "Second, I find your final offer to your indecent proposal an insult." Donn continued. "I suppose I should consider your offer to be flattering but you merely have made me feel dirty all over. I have no need to speak with you anymore but I will pray for your soul." With that, Donn continued on his way leaving the old man behind.
I am still uncertain why Donn was in Santa Barbara and/or I am not sure why Donnie introduced me to this man. However, I am pleased to know that Donnie feels comfortable to talk to me about him and I am very pleased how Donn handled the situation on State street. I am uncertain how I would respond.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Election Results
"Maybe this time, I'll win!"
The election results are in. I won.
Instead of being part of the problem, now I can be part of the solution.
Instead of feeling like a taker, now I have a chance of giving back.
Instead of feeling useless and worthless, now I have a chance to make a difference.
It Really feels great to be a winner!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Election Day
Today is Election Day at the Mental Wellness Center. I have been asked to run as a candidate for the Center Council. If elected, it will be my task to listen to the needs of the clients and try to make changes to improve the Center for everyone. We will also be tasked with the responsibility of planning special field trips and holiday celebrations. Hopefully, I will be elected and I will have a chance to give back to an incredible organization who helped me when I was "down and out" and at one of the lowest and deepest pits of depression in my life. Please say a prayer or keep your fingers crossed for me. I will let you know the results tomorrow!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Happy Palm Sunday
Normally, you would find me at mass on Palm Sunday. Not this year. This year I had to meet with a doctor I have never met before for a psychiatric exam. The Department of Social Services do not trust my doctors and nurses who have treated me for the past two years. Magically, in one hour, a psychiatrist is going to determine my mental health. First of all, it is very hard to talk to someone I do not know about my mental illness. Knowing the psychiatrist has been hired to determine if I am malingering or have a "factitious disorder" is quite depressing and disheartening.
However, I know that God is looking out for me. Before I left for my appointment, I sensed that I should check my mailbox. I was delighted to find a card from my Mother. The words, "I've been longing for you... was on the outside of the card with a picture of a dachshund. On the inside, the words, "I miss you!" What perfect timing. Naturally, I cried.
When I completed my appointment with the psychiatrist, I was happy to see Carmen, a social worker from the Casa Esperanza in the waiting area. I had not seen her since I left the transitional living facility to move to my new apartment. It was SO good to see her. We hugged and had a wonderful conversation. She promised to tell everyone at the "casa" that I send my love.
Although I was not at church today, I felt closer to God than ever. I knew God was with me and I also knew that I had family and friends with me.
Hope you have a wonderful Palm Sunday too!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Beethoven's Violin Concerto
Feeling totally blessed, my friend Hahn took me to see Beethoven's Violin Concerto performed by the Santa Barbara Chamber Orchestra at the Lobero Theatre on Friday night. Rob Kapoilow did an awesome job conducting and leading an hour-long discussion and demonstration of the piece, followed by a 15-minute intermission, a performance of the piece in full, and a question-and -answer session.
Chee-Yun was the soloist. She was the winner of the 1989 Young Concert Artists International auditions and the 1990 Avery Fisher Career Grant. Chee-Yun performs regularly with the world's foremost orchestras, including the Philadelphia Orchestra, the London Philharmonic, and the Toronto, Houston, Seattle, Pittsburgh, and National Symphony orchestras. She was phenomenal.
Hahn and I walked to and from the theatre on a beautiful moonlit night. The stars were sparkling in the Santa Barbara ski as well as on the stage. I hope we have a chance to go again in the future. It was a wonderful evening. Thank you Hahn, Rob and Chee-Yun!
The Life of Pi
Truly I am blessed here in Santa Barbara. There are many concerned and generous people here who are aware of my financial plight. Thursday I was given tickets and was able to take Donnie to see the movie, "The Life of Pi" at the incredible Arlington Theatre.
Donnie was so fascinated to see the movie in 3D. He so identifies with the main character of Pi. Just like the boy Pi, Donnie also fell in love with the Tiger. His favorite part of the movie was when Pi held the head of the tiger in his lap. His least favorite part of the movie was when the tiger walked off into the jungle leaving Pi alone and exhausted on the beach. Donnie cried along with Pi. It was as if both these boys were suffering from broken hearts.
The good news is "The Life of Pi" is the middle of the story for the main character. Likewise, Donnie is in the middle of his story. God has a plan for his life and awaits patiently for God to direct him on the rest of his journey.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
A Gift from My Neighbor
Yesterday I wrote a thank you card to my neighbor Karen. I let her know how much I enjoy her garden every time I come or go from my apartment. This morning I woke up and found a card and a small vase filled with Jasmine. Inside the card, she had enclosed two packets of tea and invited me over to her apartment for the complete tour of the incredible garden she has been working on. The Jasmine is so fragrant my entire apartment is filled with the aroma from this delicate flower. How wonderful it will be to meet with my friend Karen for tea!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
My newest plant in my Garden
I am happy to announce that the newest plant in my garden is a Gardenia. Hopefully, the rest of my plants do not get jealous. The Gardenia has the richest and deepest dark green leaves and has the most beautiful velvety white flowers. There are over thirty buds that are about to bloom. My hope is that some of those incredible flowers bloom in time for Easter. I can hardly wait to bask in the fragrance each flower produces. God certainly knew what He was doing when he created this floral plant. I wonder which brings more joy to God's heart; the beauty of this plant or the Joy that fills my heart having this gardenia in my garden? The question is rhetorical.
Monday, March 18, 2013
LISTENING
When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to say something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as it may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do...just hear me.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
And I can do for myself, I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
But when you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
than I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what's behind
this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.
So please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn,
and I will listen to you.
Words of Wisdom by Ralph Roughton
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to say something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as it may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do...just hear me.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
And I can do for myself, I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
But when you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
than I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what's behind
this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.
So please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn,
and I will listen to you.
Words of Wisdom by Ralph Roughton
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Happy St. Patrick's Day
While most people were eating corned beef and cabbage and drinking green beer, I have spent the last two days training at the Alternative to Violence Project (AVP). It is a workshop designed to train facilitators to work in prison ministries and to work within our communities to bring peaceful solutions to volatile environments. I am happy that I am focused on making a difference in the world as small as it might be. This seminar was a "defining moment" for me! The best lesson of all was they gave me better tools to learn the gift of listening.
The Advanced Training Workshop will be held on the 6th and 7th of April. I am Really looking forward to being there and being present.
Hope you had a Happy St. Patrick's Day too!
The Advanced Training Workshop will be held on the 6th and 7th of April. I am Really looking forward to being there and being present.
Hope you had a Happy St. Patrick's Day too!
Friday, March 15, 2013
They call me the God(fish) Father
At the mental wellness center, we have an aquarium with goldfish. Being that they were looking neglected and uncared for, I volunteered to be in charge of taking care of them. A new tank, fresh plants, a new filter and the goldfish look better than ever. One of the staff members announced that I am "The Godfish Father."
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Birthday Wish
As most of you know, I am not one to celebrate my birthday! This year is going to be different. My birthday wish from all of you is for you to send me your favorite picture of you and me. What I intend to do with the picture is to frame it and put it on my prayer wall. Reality is that I will never have the chance to see most of you ever again to get a new picture. However, once your favorite memory of us is displayed on my wall, I will have the JOY of being able to have you tangibly present every moment I gaze upon my wall.
Here are some of the pictures presently hanging on my wall.
These are some of the best times of my life and I want to be sure they include YOU!
This will be the BEST birthday I have ever had!
PLEASE send your picture to:
John Thomas
617 Garden Street
Suite 311
Santa Barbara, California 93101
Here are some of the pictures presently hanging on my wall.
These are some of the best times of my life and I want to be sure they include YOU!
This will be the BEST birthday I have ever had!
PLEASE send your picture to:
John Thomas
617 Garden Street
Suite 311
Santa Barbara, California 93101
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
I Come to the Garden Alone
One of the greatest joys in my life is to commune with Jesus in my garden. Living at the garden street apartments, I think it would be a sin if I did not have a garden of my own. Hope you enjoy hearing the classic hymn sung by Elvis Presley.
Monday, March 11, 2013
My bathroom is a religious experience...
My bathroom is completely brand new. The walls are a lush egg white. All the fixtures, the sink, bathtub and toilet are a pure white. Whenever I need to clean up, shower or excrete waste from my body, I am reminded of Psalm 51:2. "Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin."
There is a five drawer cabinet that I built by hand. It also is pure white and reminds me how my Savior was also a carpenter. On top of the cabinet is an antique china plate with purple grapes, red cherries, and yellow pears. It reminds me of the fruits of the Spirit. On top of the plate is a purple vase with with the most beautiful silk white roses you have ever seen. White roses stand for purity, innocence, silence, reverence and humility. The roses being made of silk remind me I am an eternal being.
There is a shower curtain made of pure white linen. Opposite is an unused purple towel representing colors reserved for royalty. "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkenss into his marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9 The lights in the bathroom are motion sensitive. Therefore, when I walk into the darkness, the lights automatically come on.
Yesterday I had the best time with Donnie.
"How would you like to create a world with me and God today, Donnie?"
"That sounds great!" Donnie jumped for joy.
"Do you see this empty space? There is nothing here but air, right?"
"Right" Donnie agreed.
Someone gave us a gift card to the local pet shop so we headed to Milpass Road to create our world. There was every color of gravel you could imagine and combinations thereof. Guess what color Donnie picked? It is a rhetorical question. Anyone who knows Donnie knows that he would pick the color purple. At first, Donnie picked out a green and purple plastic plant but I showed him some real plants and he was head over heals for the wisteria plant.
Choosing which Beta fish was an excruciating ordeal. There were almost one hundred different Betas to choose from. Different kinds. Different colors. Different sizes. I enjoyed watching Donnie go from fish to fish. Talking to each one. He almost made his decision but made a last minute change for the deep blue and maroon Crowntail Beta.
"Are you sure?" I said.
"He looked at the fish he was holding in his hand, looked back at all the other betas, and then looked at me and said, "I'm sure."
While Donnie was looking for the particular beta he desired. I found some plant bulbs that you plant in the gravel and are guaranteed to grow. "How would you like to get some magic bulbs, Donnie?"
Donnie's eye lit up as only a five year old kids could, "That would be fantastic!"
We asked the pet shop man which food he recommended and picked up some water treatment drops to make the water safe for Donnie's new fish. When we went to the counter to check out, it was a mini miracle that everything we purchased added up to almost the exact amount of the gift card.
Donnie was so excited to get back home to create our new world. We were talking back and forth so much that I chuckled that others thought I was some "crazy" person talking to myself. They were unaware that Tinkerbell had sprinkled her magic dust all over Donnie. Donnie was invisible.
There is a five drawer cabinet that I built by hand. It also is pure white and reminds me how my Savior was also a carpenter. On top of the cabinet is an antique china plate with purple grapes, red cherries, and yellow pears. It reminds me of the fruits of the Spirit. On top of the plate is a purple vase with with the most beautiful silk white roses you have ever seen. White roses stand for purity, innocence, silence, reverence and humility. The roses being made of silk remind me I am an eternal being.
There is a shower curtain made of pure white linen. Opposite is an unused purple towel representing colors reserved for royalty. "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkenss into his marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9 The lights in the bathroom are motion sensitive. Therefore, when I walk into the darkness, the lights automatically come on.
Yesterday I had the best time with Donnie.
"How would you like to create a world with me and God today, Donnie?"
"That sounds great!" Donnie jumped for joy.
"Do you see this empty space? There is nothing here but air, right?"
"Right" Donnie agreed.
Someone gave us a gift card to the local pet shop so we headed to Milpass Road to create our world. There was every color of gravel you could imagine and combinations thereof. Guess what color Donnie picked? It is a rhetorical question. Anyone who knows Donnie knows that he would pick the color purple. At first, Donnie picked out a green and purple plastic plant but I showed him some real plants and he was head over heals for the wisteria plant.
Choosing which Beta fish was an excruciating ordeal. There were almost one hundred different Betas to choose from. Different kinds. Different colors. Different sizes. I enjoyed watching Donnie go from fish to fish. Talking to each one. He almost made his decision but made a last minute change for the deep blue and maroon Crowntail Beta.
"Are you sure?" I said.
"He looked at the fish he was holding in his hand, looked back at all the other betas, and then looked at me and said, "I'm sure."
While Donnie was looking for the particular beta he desired. I found some plant bulbs that you plant in the gravel and are guaranteed to grow. "How would you like to get some magic bulbs, Donnie?"
Donnie's eye lit up as only a five year old kids could, "That would be fantastic!"
We asked the pet shop man which food he recommended and picked up some water treatment drops to make the water safe for Donnie's new fish. When we went to the counter to check out, it was a mini miracle that everything we purchased added up to almost the exact amount of the gift card.
Donnie was so excited to get back home to create our new world. We were talking back and forth so much that I chuckled that others thought I was some "crazy" person talking to myself. They were unaware that Tinkerbell had sprinkled her magic dust all over Donnie. Donnie was invisible.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Choose...
to live by choice, not by chance;
to make changes, not excuses;
to be motivated, not manipulated;
to excel, not to compete.
I choose self-esteem, not self-pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice,
Not the random opinion of others.
I choose to be me.
"there is no set path, just follow your heart" ~ author unknown
to make changes, not excuses;
to be motivated, not manipulated;
to excel, not to compete.
I choose self-esteem, not self-pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice,
Not the random opinion of others.
I choose to be me.
"there is no set path, just follow your heart" ~ author unknown
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
Look at Me, I'm
My friend Craig was upset with me and said "You have become the male version of Sandra Dee! You do not drink, no drugs, do not smoke cigarettes, you no longer gamble and now you tell me that you are not going to have sex until you are married."
Although he meant this as a criticism, I embrace his words as a compliment. To some I may have become quite boring. For me, I am much happier without all my former vices. I feel like a completely different person. Indeed, I am.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
A Figment of Donnie's Imagination
Sometimes I have no idea of who I am. Donnie is a mentally ill little boy trapped inside a fifty-four year old body. To the best of my knowledge, Donnie is the core personality of all of us. Donnie was no longer able to cope with the turmoil of the harsh realities of his life so he created me. I, John Thomas, am merely a figment of Donnie's imagination. My primary purpose is to take care of him.
If you were to visit Santa Barbara, no one would know who Donnie is. Everyone knows this breathing individual as John Thomas. Of course, there is a man named Donald who pays the bills for us all. As for me, I am starting life over. As of February, I became a resident of Santa Barbara. Donnie is so happy that he is no longer homeless. My spiritualiy embraces all faiths. It is my belief that we can learn from every faith. This is much better than argueing over the differences. My occupation is being a writer. Even if I am the worst writer in the world, it brings me great comfort to sit behind a keyboard and express my thoughts. If among all the ramblings of this blog, I am able to help even one person, my life will have purpose and meaning.
Donnie refused to have open heart surgery. I had the open heart surgery in October, 2012. Donnie refuses to take medicine. I take a cabinet full of medications to help Donnie with his depression, heart, bipolarity, and schizophrenia. Donnie has no energy to even get out of bed sometimes. It is my duty to keep him active with a regular routine, healthy meals, exercise, and tapping into the spiritual realm.
Our life is very similar to one of a monk. We feed the homeless, help the mentally ill, collect clothes for those without, show compassion to those with addictions, and pray. The most important thing is prayer. One lesson we have learned is to never pray for something or someone we can do ourself.
The best thing we do is to spend time with God. Although we talk to much, we are learning to listen. Just LISTEN!
If you were to visit Santa Barbara, no one would know who Donnie is. Everyone knows this breathing individual as John Thomas. Of course, there is a man named Donald who pays the bills for us all. As for me, I am starting life over. As of February, I became a resident of Santa Barbara. Donnie is so happy that he is no longer homeless. My spiritualiy embraces all faiths. It is my belief that we can learn from every faith. This is much better than argueing over the differences. My occupation is being a writer. Even if I am the worst writer in the world, it brings me great comfort to sit behind a keyboard and express my thoughts. If among all the ramblings of this blog, I am able to help even one person, my life will have purpose and meaning.
Donnie refused to have open heart surgery. I had the open heart surgery in October, 2012. Donnie refuses to take medicine. I take a cabinet full of medications to help Donnie with his depression, heart, bipolarity, and schizophrenia. Donnie has no energy to even get out of bed sometimes. It is my duty to keep him active with a regular routine, healthy meals, exercise, and tapping into the spiritual realm.
Our life is very similar to one of a monk. We feed the homeless, help the mentally ill, collect clothes for those without, show compassion to those with addictions, and pray. The most important thing is prayer. One lesson we have learned is to never pray for something or someone we can do ourself.
The best thing we do is to spend time with God. Although we talk to much, we are learning to listen. Just LISTEN!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
I Left My Heart in ...
For many people the song goes, "I left my heart in San Francisco..." Not for me. I left my heart in Santo Domingo. This picture captures one of the greatest moments of my life.
"Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world." How precious are these boys?
From left to right, Carlos, me, Joche Sanche and Randy Sparks. Randy and I made our first trip to the Dominican Republic in 1997. It was a defining moment in my life. One of the reasons was that these children were so happy and had so little. There were hundreds of children but none touched my heart like Joche Sanche. I love Joche as if he were my own son. The great news is that I shared the gospel with Joche and he invited Jesus Christ to live in his heart. Although I have not seen Joche for almost a decade, I find comfort to know that we will spend eternity in heaven together with God as our Father.
Eyes, Hair, Hands, Makeup
Dolly returned to Santa Barbara after her visit to Hollywood. The Mental Wellness Center had "Spa Day" as some of the students and graduates from Paul Mitchell salon had volunteered their services to the clients at the Center. You would have thought Dolly was Madonna as she pranced from station to station to get her eyes, hair, hands and makeup done. Some of the clients told her how wonderful she looked. Dolly was very happy as it made her feel like a Star!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Cleaning House
Have you ever noticed when you start cleaning your house, everything else looks dirty? That is how it is with me regarding sin. Whenever I focus on cleaning house or the depravity of my heart, the immensity of my sin overwhelms me. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." That includes St. Francis of Assisi, Mother Teresa and my friend, Tim Page.
One of the things I used to believe was that I was a much better sinner than I was a Christian. This is just not true. I am a horrible sinner. A good sinner would show no remorse for his sins. As for me, I continue to repent over and over and over each and every sin I have ever committed. As each day goes by, the sins add up. Over the years, it is no wonder I am overwhelmed by the multitude of my sin.
I am a sinner saved by grace. Reality is I was born with a sinful nature. There is nothing I or anyone else can do about that. What I seem to fail to focus on is that I am "saved by grace". It has nothing to do about me. It has everything to do with what Jesus Chrsit did on the cross for me and you.
Whenever I am made aware of a sin I have committed, it is important that I repent with a contrite heart. However, what is more important is that I praise God for the prompting of the Holy Spirit. "He who began a good work in (me) will be faithful to complete it." This gives me a chance to celebrate what the Savior is doing in my life rather than falling into a deep, dark depression over my sinful nature.
"My heart, Christ's home." I invite Jesus to feel free to clean anything that needs to be cleaned.
One of the things I used to believe was that I was a much better sinner than I was a Christian. This is just not true. I am a horrible sinner. A good sinner would show no remorse for his sins. As for me, I continue to repent over and over and over each and every sin I have ever committed. As each day goes by, the sins add up. Over the years, it is no wonder I am overwhelmed by the multitude of my sin.
I am a sinner saved by grace. Reality is I was born with a sinful nature. There is nothing I or anyone else can do about that. What I seem to fail to focus on is that I am "saved by grace". It has nothing to do about me. It has everything to do with what Jesus Chrsit did on the cross for me and you.
Whenever I am made aware of a sin I have committed, it is important that I repent with a contrite heart. However, what is more important is that I praise God for the prompting of the Holy Spirit. "He who began a good work in (me) will be faithful to complete it." This gives me a chance to celebrate what the Savior is doing in my life rather than falling into a deep, dark depression over my sinful nature.
"My heart, Christ's home." I invite Jesus to feel free to clean anything that needs to be cleaned.
Monday, March 4, 2013
The Greatest Sin of All
After this weekend of much contemplation and meditation, I have come to believe that I am guilty of the worst sin of all. I believe that the greatest sin of all is not believing and trusting that the blood of Jesus Christ which was shed on the cross for the sins of the world is enough to cover my sin. Now I understand why Dr. Harold Mozak told me, "You are the God of your own universe."
Often I have believed that the greatest sin of all is not loving God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and/or the failure to love my neighbor. Those were thoughts of younger years.
"Dear God~
Please forgive me for not accepting and embracing the work you did on the cross for me. Help me to trust and believe that I have not done the unpardonable sin. Your Word says that you will remove my sin as far as the east is from the west and Your Word also says that you will remember my sin no more. Help me to be the light to others and allow you to love others through me. Help me to embrace your love instead of dwelling on the sins of my past. Truth be told, there are no sins of my past as you have forgiven and forgotten them. Too good to be true? But true!
I love you Lord
John Thomas"
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Friday, March 1, 2013
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
Tim Page and Donald Harbeck worked together at the Sportsmen's Lodge in Studio City, California. Tim Page was a Captain and Donald was the Maitre'D. Both of these men had the hopes and dreams of becoming famous in the television and motion picture industry. Donald thought they were on their way when Tim got him his first part in a movie, "The Best of Times" starring Robin Williams and Kurt Russell. They were both shocked that their names were not listed on the credits. Who knew that "extras" names were not listed? That was over twenty years ago.
Shortly after that, these two men went into two entirely different directions. Tim listened to God's call for his life and started Total Involvement Ministry (TIM). Google for yourself and see all that this man has done over the past two decades.
"Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, who has served Christ best of all?" Donald inquires of the looking glass. When he looks in the mirror, he is genuinely happy to see the reflection of Tim Page. Other reflections appear like Mother Teresa and Francis of Assisi. What saddens Donald is that his reflection never shows up. The closest thing to his reflection is the vision of the Wicked Witch from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs". Truth be told, Donald has better served Satan than he has to Jesus Christ.
Tim is one of the best friends anyone could ever hope for. He has tried to email, write and call Donald on multiple occasions. Ask Tim how he feels and he will tell you, "I choose to be happy!" Donald has severe depression and has struggled with no will to live and thoughts of suicide. The light that reflects from Tim and the darkness that looms around Donald is too much for Donald to even consider reconnecting with a visit from Tim.
One day, Jesus is going to separate the sheep from the goats. Tim will be chosen to be among the sheep as his life has reflected nothing less than God's goodness. Donald fears that he will be cast with the goats and eventually be cast into the sea of fire in Hell as his life of lurking in the shadows by serving the evil one in pursuit of riches, fame and fortune.
Maybe this is just the middle of the story. Maybe the life of Tim Page can be an inspiration to Donald and others that "the power of one to make a difference in the world" solely relys on being plugged into the only true source of love ~ God himself. Maybe one day, Donald will return those emails, letters and phone calls and set up a day where the two can meet. Unfortunately, it will not be this week. It is even hard for me to communicate with Donald. Many times, I am unable to find him in the darkness of the world he exists.
Thank you Tim for all the love and kindness you have shown to so many. May God bless and keep you. May the light and love of Jesus Christ continue to reflect in and from you. Know that Donald loves you. Know that I love you. However, never forget how much God loves you.
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