The We Nobody Knows

There are very few professionals in the psychology world that believe in multiple personalities.  Therefore, I find myself in the dilemma of trying to learn about and maintain this psychological disorder on my own.  However, yesterday through meditation, I believe I have been able to shed some light on this topic.

Imagine there are different chambers in your mind.  One of those chambers is the room of your personality.  For me, this room is completely dark.  No furniture.  No light.  Yet there are a bunch of different personalities in that room.  Some of the people are sleeping quietly on the floor.  One little boy is running around in a circle frantic screaming at the top of his lungs.  I hear a little girl crying.  There is a little boy curled in one of the corners "scared almost to death".  There is a man who is trying very hard to attend to all the children.  One man is stuck on thoughts of suicide.

This is a picture of one of the personalities living in this room.  He usually is distraught over the immense amount of of sin from his past.  Although I tell him that he is forgiven, he longs and yearns to be held in the arms of Jesus.  His love language is touch.  He wants to go to heaven to be with Jesus but his prayers are constantly denied.  Don waits for the return of his Savior, feeling unloved and untouched.  The pain of loneliness is almost more than he can bear.

Donn, on the other hand, is sexually driven.  He knows that he is supposed to be attracted to the woman (right).  Yet he is completely sexually attracted to the "drop dead gorgeous hunk of man" (left).  While Don continues to repent for the sins of lust of flesh, envy, and coveting his neighbor's body,  Donn gets lost in the fantasy that this is the day that his prince will come and he hopes to live happily ever after with this man.  His ecstasy is crushed by the agony that once again he fell in love with a heterosexual man.

Don reminds Donn that he needs to wait for The Prince to come.

Donn knows that he is finding an illegitimate way of getting his needs met.  As he embraces the woman, he feels nothing except the love for a sister.  When he embraces this handsome man, he feels his heart pound with passion, every sexual sensation pulsates through his being and for a brief moment he feels the Joy of being touched.

Don lives in great fear that homosexuals will spend eternity in hell.  The duality of these two personalities are in conflict with each other day and night.

I know this man in the picture.  How did he get to the Pride Celebration in Hollywood?  In the chamber I was telling you about, there is a door that exits into the light.  The light is the reality of life.  Only one person can leave and live in the light at a time.  Donn had escaped because he could not be held hostage in that dark room any longer.

Yesterday, little Donnie escaped.  Donnie, I think, is the core personality that has created all the other personalities.  He may have even created me.  I believe Donnie created me because he needed someone to take care of him.  The mental illness had become too much for a little five year old to handle.  He kept asking for help only to be called a "liar" or the new phrase is a "malingerer"!

As I said, yesterday, little Donnie had escaped.  He was so confused and afraid that he literally crawled under the bed, cried hysterically and his entire little body trembled.  Now if you were to see a cute little boy named Donnie Harbeck trying to hide under the bed, what would you want to do?  I am pretty sure you would coax him out from under the bed and hold and hug him and comfort him until he stopped crying and his little body stopped shaking.

The problem is little Donnie lives in a fifty four year old body.  Not so cute.  Actually pretty disturbing.  Usually children are afraid of the monsters that live under the bed.  It breaks my heart to see this little child who lives in such fear.  As I convince Donnie to go back into the dark room, I am able to hug and hold  and comfort him as we exchange places.  Although the touch is but a moment, Donnie is content and is able to find a safe place to fall asleep.

My name is John Thomas and it is my calling to take care of all these personalities.  Once I can work with all these fragmented personalities, I hope and pray that once fused, we can love ourselves.  Once we love ourselves, then we can truly love God and love others.