The pressure continues to increase like a balloon about to burst. My stress and anxiety are going through the roof. My body is physically unable to take the tumult my life is in. Without warning, I start to vomit like a volcano erupting lava. Today I went to the VA clinic because I was coughing up blood.
Although I have been given a veteran's assisted subsidised housing (VASH) voucher, there are no apartments available. For some apartment complexes, the waiting list is between 2 - 5 years. Recently I found out that I would not be able to get into any unit without a form of income. Therefore, I have to borrow money from the government to subtract from the voucher in which I was given. However, I am unable to get the loan until I have filled out all other forms of social security. The first rejection will come in about 3-4 monthes. This process will continue for almost two years until I have been rejected for a total of five times.
After jumping through a series of hoops, I am sent to another who gives me a set of different hoops to jump through. There always seems to be one more form. One more interview. It has been a series of recurring nightmares as each agency continues to ask me for the same form over and over.
On Monday, I received a bill for $8,120.00 dollars for the ambulance ride from the VA in Santa Barbara to the VA in West LA. Although the VA has promised to pay this bill and we have submitted the paperwork five different times. I find myself in crisis mode at the same VA clinic, talking to the same people who continue to promise me that the VA will pay this bill. I was suicidal in September 2011 because I was homeless, jobless and penniless. Opening a letter from the collection agency with $880.00 dollars of interest is likely to push me over the edge once again. Sometimes I believe the government wants me to kill myself in an effort to help cut down on the national debt. Who knows? Hopefully, I am wrong.
When I wake up in the morning, it takes me a great deal of effort to just get out of bed. Usually I find myself consumed with trying to not want to die or not think about killing myself. However, I am thankful that I did get out of bed. Turned the forms that I could turn in. Asked for help for the forms I was unable to fill out. Thank God for Jessica who is handling the bill from the collection agency. Thank God for Tina who is taking care of the medical forms with Dr. White. Thank God for Barbara Johnson who is doing all the research for Dr. White. Thank God for Martha Barsante, my social worker who has been communicating with Ms. Fausto from the county office. Last but not least, thank God for Kumiko Kuroda who has requested an extension on my extension on my extension for my VASH voucher.
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