A taste of Heaven.
Satan would not stand for that at all.
He forced Donnie to introduce Tommy to me. Tommy wants to believe that he looks like this.
Unfortunately, he really looks like this.
Tommy wants to believe that he is young, in shape and good looking. The truth is Tommy is old, out of shape and ugly. Is ugly too harsh? Not if you ask Tommy. Tommy is the personality that is tormented by having same sex feelings and feeling convicted that he will go to hell if he acts on those feelings. Homosexuality makes Tommy suicidal. Satan loves to torment Tommy every moment he gets. Satan accuses Tommy of the sins of lust and coveting. Every time he hears someone say, "Faggot", he is overwhelmed with shame and contemplates ending his own life. Tommy thinks that he lives in hell now. He prays for God to bring him to heaven but his prayers are denied. He used to believe his prayers were unanswered. However, now he lives in the frustration that his prayers are heard but that God refuses to release him from his pain and suffering.
Someone yelled at Tommy, "Keep your faggoty hands off me or I will kill you!"
The person who said those cruel words has no idea that he already murdered Tommy.
He now is a walking corpse. Afraid to train in mixed martial arts for fear of his sparring partner suspecting illegitimate emotions. He longs for the man to man combat, the physical touch of another fighter, the competition of tapping out another fighter who is better than himself.
Tommy lives alone and is lost in his self made hell. Maybe Satan does not exist at all. Maybe Tommy created Satan to torment him in his own version of hell. Regardless, Tommy is in an unending hell. His fear of his feelings is a tumultuous hell. If he commits suicide, he fears that he will spend eternity in the hell with the "eternal fire and gnashing of teeth". Continuing to train in mixed martial arts makes Tommy live in the overwhelming fear of rejection.
My prayer is that I am able to find a way to help Tommy out of his hell and invite him into our Paradise. One can only hope!
YOU KNOW John -- YOU do this to YOURSELF.
ReplyDeleteDO YOU think that I would invite TO PAY MY MONEY to fly that Fat Ugly Dude here, and pay his Bills to live in my house???
I was going to try to say that you look MUCH better to me than that Muscle Guy -- But now I see that YOU staying in Cali was the BEST thing that could have happened to me.
YOU would have ME Hating MYSELF again -- And Back to looking at Metra Train schedules AGAIN. ( N E V E R AGAIN ).
YOU TRULY I N S U L T ME "John" -- SO I MUST BE A WORTHLESS EVIL SOUL-SUCKING PERVERT -- SATAN'S OWN SPAWN.
SINCE you do it to Y O U R S E L F [ repeat - Y O U R S E L F ]
NOBODY can help YOU!
SO DRILL YOUR OWN HOLES IN THE BOTTOM OF YOUR OWN DAMN BOAT -- All anybody else can do is WATCH.
I Pity you for HATING YOURSELF SO MUCH John ( For N O Reason )
You know John, ask Sue Molenda -- I hunted for YOU for MONTHS; anything I could read or find out.
ReplyDeleteThen I searched Veteran's Places places in Santa Barbara because I thought they would be assisting you in your rehabilitation from Open-heart Surgery. Then that guy 'L' or whatever said he knew you and saw you regularly. Then I sent money for a Cell Phone, in preparation for getting your Plane ticket. You've called me once.
You write about ALL the people you know and love, and it's as if I don't exist.
You want physical contact, and I showed you the gym I set up.
YOU DON'T WANT anybody to love you, because than you can wallow in Self-HATE, and Self-PITY -- And if all that I did didn't PROVE that somebody loves you -- than YOU must HATE Me too!
MY ATTEMPTS to show YOU that somebody LOVES YOU just ends up with YOU SPITTING IN MY FACE.
WHY John???
John, After reading that previous two posts, You will probably need this post of encouragement. The posts you wrote, were great (as always) the aquarium, garden, etc. I do look forward to your reaching out via some form of emails, or phone calls, or texts (did you get my recent one?) Maybe I should just venture to the farmer's market some Tuesday and hope I run into you! LOL! Seriously, let's PLAN something. Talk is cheap! 1-4-3, Tim
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteTIM -- After reading my admittedly nasty posts above, what do YOU think of the overall situation.
DeletePlease call me - you have my number -- I also sent you a Text.