My search for where to live is over. After driving over 4600 miles in the last month, I have found the place where I am going to call home. Look at the view from my front yard. Maybe for you, you prefer mountains or cities, meadows or surburbia. However, for me, I feel closest to God when I am near the ocean. Listening to the waves is like listening to God breathe for me. They advertise Mt. Shasta in Oregon as being the place where heaven meets earth. This may be the case for them. For me, it is more intimate to believe that I can hear God breathing. Often in my journey of drawing nearer to God, I find God to be silent. As hard as I try to listen for that still small voice of God, I find myself feeling so alone at times.
Here in Venice Beach, I am SO content to listen to the waves imagining it being the inhaling and exhaling of the breath of God. Some of the best nights sleep I have ever had has been trying to contemplate and listen to God. As I empty all the thoughts from my mind, the only sound that I listen to is the mantra of the tide coming in and going out. I find my breath slows down. I find that I find rest in God himself, if only in His breath.
God has answered my prayers. He has closed the doors to which he does not want me to venture. The door at the Battle of the Dance has been closed. The door at Kirk's Ferry in Brownsville, Oregon has been closed. The door to producing The Belle of Amherst in Hollywood has been closed. Now I contemplate and seek God's will on my producing and writing the documentary, PROJECT: HOMELESS. Who better for God to use on this project other than a homeless and jobless person like myself! Maybe this is another one of my delusions of grandeur? Very well could be. God will open or close the door for me. I take comfort and trust God to make it very clear for me.
As I sit in comfort at the Venice Beach library, I try to think what message would God want me to give you today. One thought is that I have been a fool to believe that I can live in this world without God. It pangs me to face the reality that money has been my god. I used to have a lot of money but God was very far from my heart. Now I have no money but the peace, comfort and trust that God will provide for all my needs passes all understanding. Listen to your heart, if it tells you that you are not doing the right thing, please do not do it. The conflict with your mind, heart and soul is very troubling. You will lose that peace and comfort of the intimacy with the Almighty.
God has healed me from depression, alcoholism, the use of drugs, sexual addictions, lonliness, thoughts of suicide, no will to live, and a list of other mental illnesses. Why? To be homeless and jobless? God has a plan for me. Only God knows what it is. As soon as He lets me know, I will be certain to keep you posted.
My time with you has ended for the day. I look forward to our meeting once again tomorrow. Sleep well tonight knowing that I am going to have one of the best nights sleep I have ever had. As I listen to the tide coming in and going out, I will contemplate resting with God with every breath He takes.
I will be home.
HOME SWEET HOME!
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