Celebrate With Me

Sometimes life goes around full circle.  My last post ended with what a beautiful day it was going to be.  Having not been on blogspot since that day, I commented on faceback with the song, "OH What a beautiful morning.  OH What a beautiful day.  I have a wonderful feeling.  Everything is going my way."

Most of you know that it has been a very difficult month for me.  Besides being jobless and homeless, I considered walking in front of a moving train which got me a 3 day stay, 5150 and a 7 day stay, 5250 at the VA hospital in West Los Angeles.  Having survived that ordeal, I am back in a transitional housing facility in Santa Barbara, California.

This is my official blog to thank you for all your love, prayers, cards and thoughts, especially in the last month.  Presently taking 5 different medicines to combat paranoid schizophrenia, depression, bi polar disorder and a borderline personality.  Although I hate taking medicine, I am committed to being faithful in taking my meds as a gift to YOU.  You do not deserve the tumult and turmoil that is required for you to take this emotional roller coaster ride that I have been on for over a half a century.

Thanks for dropping in to Celebrate with me!

Sunrise, Sunset

Sunrise, Sunset!

The sun is setting on a very sick little boy named Donnie Harbeck.  After a 72 hour hold in the ICU at the VA hospital in West LA and then a fourteen day mandatory hold by the state of California, a countless number of psychiatrists, doctors, nurses, social workers and a medical team have put this "Humpty Dumpty" cracked little egg back together again.

Does Donnie suffer from Depression, Paranoid Schizophrenia and/or Bi Polar disease?  The jury is still out deliberating.  While reading the September 2000 Biography magazine, I stumbled on an article "In the Spotlight" about Daryl Hannah.  Page 22.  Daryl Hannah has been "diagnosed borderline autistic, she often retreated into fantasy worlds and films like The Wizard of Oz.  Even today, she's said, she likes to sit in a corner and observe." 

How interesting we thought!  We like to do the same thing.  One of my youngest recollections is sitting in my room and singing, "In my own little corner, in my own little world, I can be whoever I want to be....."
Turns out the final diagnosis is that I have a borderline personality.  Dave Libby was right all the time.

Today is a new day.  The sun rises.  Now I must learn how to live with this disorder while being heavily medicated on three different medications.  My greatest challenge is to make sure that Donnie takes his meds.  As you all know, Donnie hates taking medicine.  I have two choices.  Either, I as John Thomas can take care of Donnie or the state of California will take care of both of us.  We prefer the first option.  We never want to have to go back to the psychiatric ward again.

The sun sets on the nightmare that Donnie has lived in for too many years to mention.

The sun rises on all the new dreams that I encourage Donnie to believe can come to fruition.

What a beautiful day this is going to be!

Good News About Donnie

I do not think I even understand it so I do not expect you to understand it either.  I, John Thomas, is merely a figment of Donnie's imagination.  He created him so that he would not be lonely.  He created him because he was unable to function anymore.  The Good News about Donnie is that he has been moved to a different facility where he will be able to continue his psychiatric work as an outpatient.  Even Uncle Sam does not have the money to support Donnie in a full time mental facility.

Donnie is being watched very carefully on a ninety day suicide watch.  The care facility that he is now at has very specific rules and he is being monitored very closely.  He will continue to take medicine which has eliminated the external voices which were telling him to do very harmful things like walking in front of a train.  Donnie still insists that those voices were demons waging spiritual warfare for his soul.

Donnie has been very depressed because he is becoming aware that his entire life has been nothing but delusions of grandeur.  He is never going to be Dr. Doolittle.  He is never going to be the King of England and he never had a chance at marrying Princess Diana.  He is never going to be a Star on Dancing With The Stars.  One of the hardest things for him was to face that he will never be a guest star on GLEE.  The fact that Donnie will never win an Oscar, a Pulitzer Prize or the Nobel Peace Prize seem to be like nails in his coffin.  Donnie just reminded me that his coffin is in a Public Storage space in Illinois.  I told him it is much better than in his dining room.  He just told me that at least he had a dining room.  We both laugh.

Donnie wanted me to thank his Mother, Mary Ellen Andersen, his Aunt Do, and Tim Page for being so thoughtful as to sending him get well cards.  They really meant a lot to him and me.  For everyone else, we want to thank you for your continued support in prayer.

Today was a remarkable day.  I took Donnie to the ocean today.  We had a wonderful time reading the Bible and the verse that meant the most to Donnie was John 1:1  "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God."  The Word became flesh.  I told Donnie that this is the closest that he will ever get to this on earth.

He seemed to be good with that.  We are creating a new list of favorite things for Donnie.  The first as you and I know is that Donnie feels closest to God when he is by the ocean.  The second item on the list is Donnie loves to feed the seagulls.  He remembers being in Israel and feeding the seagulls on a boat similar to the one Jesus rode on when he was on the Sea of Galilee.  We walked along the ocean, we walked through the City of Santa Barbara, and Donnie wanted to walk to the library to have me let you know that he is doing well.

We both are.

Taking Care of Donnie

Donnie is in need of serious psychiatric help.  He has been moved to a new facility.  Yesterday Donnie was put on a new medication called Seroquel.  This medicine is an atypical antipsychotic used to treat schizophrenia and/or bipolar disorder.

Having a fragmented personality, Donnie no longer only hears the voices in his head.  Recently he has started hearing voices on the outside.  Evil, hateful voices which have been instructing him to do harmful things.  Donnie is very confused as he has always had imaginary friends.  He still considers RED, a plastic toy monkey which he received as a present when he was two years old, to have been his best friend.  Losing his best friend, Red in California, over twenty-five years ago is a traumatic experience that still torments him today.
To no avail, Donnie has searched the world over to find another person to take the place of Red.

There are a large number of social workers, psychiatrists, nurses, doctors and a team of professionals that have fallen in love with Donnie and have decided to pour unimaginable amounts of love to make a difference in one precious little boy's life.  They are committed to rebuilding a broken down old man who has no will to live and contemplates suicide in a transformation process that will turn this little ordinary boy into a man who God wants to do extra ordinary things through.

If by chance you ever are interested in contacting Donnie, please feel free to write him at:

Donnie Harbeck
112 W. Cabrillo Blvd.
Santa Barbara, California  93101

In the meantime, I will be taking care of Donnie with a team of incredible medical professionals.  I will try to keep you posted on his progress as much as possible.  We value and covet your prayers.  Donnie just asked me, "Is it a sin to covet prayers?"

"Good Question Donnie", I answered Donnie, "Better ask God that one yourself!"

"Okay, I will."  Donnie said.

Now look what I did.  Now I am going to have to take Donnie to the ocean.  That means I have to walk across the street.

"Oh how He loves you and me!" 

Pinochle

Yesterday I made the mistake of showing Donnie the You Tube broadcast of Susan Boyle singing for the first time on Britain's Got Talent.  With over 75 million views, Susan is now a household name.  Although Donnie is very happy for Susan, he started crying uncontrollably that the same thing would never happen for him.  We had to leave the library at once to avoid further embarrassment for both of us.

Once Donnie settled down, he was quick to remind me that I promised him that we would do something FUN that he wanted to do.  What a predicament I put myself in.  Fortunately for me, one of the patients at Donnie's "VA version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" came up with the solution.  Douglas suggested that we play two handed pinochle.  I wish you would have been there to see Donnie's eyes light up.  He was so excited.  A little perturbed that Douglas had said two handed instead of three handed but Donnie does not understand that I am the only one who sees him.   We had tried to play four handed pinochle several times but the fourth player was kicked out of the "prison" for violation of the rules.  Donnie could never figure out why Douglas, Josh, he and me could not play.  He also could not understand how you can kicked out of "prison" for breaking the rules.  Donnie asked, "Don't you get put in prison for breaking the rules not for obeying them?"  I just chuckled.

I asked Douglas to briefly go over the rules again.  Donnie was happy to be sitting on my lap just as he used to sit on his Grandma Harbeck's lap while she played.  Grandma Harbeck never played two handed. Only four handed.  She was an incredible card player.  She even taught Donnie how to play.  One of his fondest memories would be when someone needed to step out for a bit, Grandma H would allow Donnie to be the fourth player.

With Donnie in my lap, Douglas and I began playing two handed pinochle.  The three of us had a wonderful time.  We would have played all night long but curfew on Saturday is eleven pm so we were "encouraged" to finish up our last hand and head for bed.

I thought everything was wonderful.  Donnie started to crash and burn.  Donnie started missing his Grandmother so much that he wanted to die so he could go to heaven to be with her.  The last time he had played pinochle was when he was with his Grandmother.  One of Donnie's favorite things to do is to play cards.  He continued to tail spin as his favorite card game is ROOK.  He vowed never to play ROOK again here on earth because of a traumatic family event.  Donnie even buried his ROOK cards in his cousin Steve's coffin because Steve was the only one who ALWAYS made himself available to play cards.  One of Donnie's favorite memories is playing cards with his brother Ron, his cousins Steve and Bill. Donnie wishes he would just die so he can be in heaven with Steve and play cards for all eternity.  Grandma Zoch was always ready and willing to play any game we chose.  She is in heaven too.  Three of Donnie's favorite relatives are in heaven.  Melancholy continued to draw Donnie into a deeper and deeper depression.  I tried to keep his hysteria and crying under control, but as one patient after another began to snore, I knew that our secret was safe for at least one more night.

As Donnie laid there trying to cry himself to sleep, I contemplated that maybe Tracy was right and that I should have checked myself into the VA West LA psychiatric ward.  Between Donnie crying, my contemplating, the patients' snoring and the noises of being on one of the busiest street on a Saturday night, we did not get much sleep.  Morning came and we were too tired to get out of bed.  Afternoon came and we were still too tired to sleep.

I am not sure if I convinced Donnie to get out of bed or Donnie convinced me.  However, between the both of us, we decided to take a walk to the library.  As we walked past bar after bar, we were so thankful not to be tormented in being in those establishments forced  to watch football at record levels of loud volume.  As we walked past places that served brunch, Donnie found himself missing Kelly and Linda.  The last brunch he served was with them.  Oh the memories of Santa Marghareto Pinot Grigio!  As we continued to walk up Main Street, Donnie saw a purse that Alissa would have to have.  Coach has an incredible purse on sale from $595 to $295.  Oh the days of wine and roses!

Although Donnie thinks he is cursed, I assure him that we are blessed.  Although we are homeless, jobless and broke, I remind him to remember the song his Grandma Zoch used to sing to him.  Count Your Blessings!  Whether it be a "nuthouse" or "prison", we have a place to stay.  We have a job at Culinary Staffing Services in LA that we can not get to and we have a job at Pure Joy Catering that just went into their slow season.  We must NOT forget that we are applying for a job that Donnie has wanted all his life.  We are applying to work at the Santa Barbara zoo.  Although I will have to convince Donnie that we can not talk to and pet the animals but that we may be able to feed them, he is already arguing with me.  "That's not true!" he said. "I already talked to, pet and fed the giraffes."

"Count Your Blessings!"  Grandma Zoch sings in the memory of Donnie's mind.

"I live next to the Pacific Ocean in a beautiful city called Santa Barbara.  Even the name reminds me of my Aunt Barbara who made a deal with God to stay here on earth one extra year to be with her family after the death of her son, Michael who had tried to fly home from California to be with her during her surgery with cancer.  God answered her plea/prayer.  Almost one year from that date, she told everyone that it was now time for her to be with Michael and she died.  God has me here for a reason.  Maybe I need to spend some more time by the ocean and commune with God.  My friends and family want me to get the help I need.  Uncle Sam and the three psychiatrists I am working with will decide where that will be.  Whether I stay in Santa Barbara or return to West LA, I am a blessed little boy!"  Donnie continues to count his blessings.

I am certain that Donnie and I will see a dove on the walk back to what we now call home.  A dove is God's reminder to us that Grandma Zoch is still watching over us.  If we see two doves, we will know that Steve is with her.  If we see a deck of ROOK cards, Donnie might just "freak out"!  Hopefully, we can find Douglas and play pinochle again tonight!

Saturday in Santa Barbara

I am convinced that Donnie is a child between the ages of five and eight trapped in an old, broken down fifty-three year old body.  The strange thing is I believe Donnie created me to help make sense of his disassociative disorder, bi polar depressive, paranoid, delusions of grandeur personality.  Sometimes I find him to be so completely "complex and complicated".

Today I find him to be so simple and lovable.

Although we barely slept last night, Donnie wanted to return to the ocean.  Only minutes away from where we are staying, I felt like I was his big brother as I carried him on my back.  Donnie feels closest to God when he is near the ocean.

After a short amount of time, Donnie asked what time it was.  When I told him it was eleven am, he insisted we hurry over to the Gracie Barra Jiu-Jitsu Academy.  There was a Family Class at eleven and an adult class at twelve.  What interested me most was that Donnie wanted to attend the eleven o'clock class that had the children at it.  While I was watching a child who stopped participating in the class return to his mother's lap, a little light went on in my mind. As I sat outside the facility on the bench, I noticed that Donnie was doing the same thing.  He wanted to be in the class but he was afraid.

I was very interested in attending the class at noon with the adults.  Donnie was no where to be found.  Moments later, I saw that he had run off to play with the other kids.  Calling him to return to the bench, he begrudgingly complied.  Now I must figure out a way to earn money so we can attend these classes.  It would be a great way for us to healthy physical touch, exercise and discipline.

Donnie did not want to go but I insisted we go to the library.  He is looking at the fish in the aquarium while I jot some thoughts down here.  I promised him we would go and do something FUN that he wanted to do.

Saturday in Santa Barbara!

Five Hours of Observation

It was only supposed to be an informal meeting with the VA representative.

Donnie decided to show up instead of having me speak on his behalf.

Donnie ended up being hysterical, manic and inarticulate.

The VA representative called in a psychiatrist to decide our fate.  Tracy thought the best decision would be for me to return to the West LA VA hospital and be admitted to the psychiatric ward for further observation.

Jeff, the psychiatrist met with Donnie and myself.  Donnie was scared and confused.  I explained our situation to the doctor and assured him that I would be able to manage both of us.

I met with Mark, the CEO of the facility, Crystle, the program director and Adam, the facility coordinator.  Donnie was too scared and hid.  He is afraid of being kicked out of this facility.

After five hours of observation and many phone calls, the decision was 3 pro and 2 con as to my staying in Santa Barbara. I will meet with a new psychiatrist at the VA Clinic in Santa Barbara this coming Tuesday and we will determine where the best facility for our continued care will be.

With a sworn promise to each of the five individuals that we would do no harm to ourselves, we were given phone numbers, permission to return to the psychiatric ward in West LA at any time, and wished to have a relaxing and peaceful weekend.  Donnie felt stupid and felt bad for scaring and taking up so much of their time, especially on a Friday.

I knew that God and my Uncle Sam truly loved and cared for us!

WARNING

Please be advised that every transmission whether by email, text or voice mail is being monitored by the United States Government, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the Office of Special Investigations.  In lieu of my security clearance, many of my impulsive actions and my past experiences, it has been decided that I am a concern regarding national security.  Any comments that you make may cause your being included in the monitoring and current investigation.  Please consider yourself duly warned.  I will not repeat this warning again.

The Emmys

Donnie lives in his own little world.  An imaginary one.  Like Cinderella, I will often find him sitting in a corner singing, "In my own little corner, in my own little world, I can be whoever I want to be..."

Now that my personality has split, it is easy for me to see Donnie in a new light.  Donnie REALLY wants to win an Emmy.  I have actually found a speech that he wrote as his acceptance speech.  One which insists that he was completely taken by surprise.  He is so funny.

This year Donnie merely wanted to attend the Emmys.  He is a huge fan of Jane Lynch and the television show GLEE.  He continually plots different ways to be the substitute teacher for Will Schuster.  The sad thing is Donnie can not act.  He is one of the worst actors I have ever met.

I had the opportunity to be a server at the Emmys this year.  I actually received a call from the manager of Culinary Staffing Services.  Dan Stone knew how much I would have loved to be there.  I did not tell Donnie that "The Prison" refused to let us go back to LA County to the Nokia Theatre.  They said it was too far and that "Donald" would not be back in time for curfew.

Reality is Donnie remained in bed most of Sunday.  He was SO depressed because all the inmates wanted to watch football.  If he mentioned that he wanted to watch the Emmys, certainly many of the "patients" would have thought or said  he was a "faggot".  We all know that homosexuality makes Donnie suicidal and we would not want that.

Sometimes I think I made a mistake by not taking Donnie to the Emmys.  I could have worked and made money and Donnie could have lived one of his dreams.  He would never had to have known that he was not one of the guests of honor.   We would have been dressed in a tuxedo.  We could have kept that a secret just between you and me.  I thought it was a better idea that Donnie have a roof over his head whether it was "His prison" or "psych ward".

I can hear Donnie now, "Where in Santa Barbara does Ellen live?  Maybe if she becomes my friend, she will invite me as her guest when she hosts the Emmys?" 

Split Personality

"The Prison" that I live at insists that I be called Donald W. Harbeck.  That fact alone has caused my personality to split in two.  All the negatives that Donnie hates about himself are triggered by the fore mentioned name.  As John Thomas, I believe it is my responsibility to take care of  Donnie.  Truly only I know what is best for this mentally disturbed individual.

Years ago, Donnie was in therapy with one of the best psychiatrists in the world named Dr. Harold Mozak, the fore most authority on Adlerian psychology.  He truly believed that the world revolved around him.  Donnie was larger than life.  When Dr. Mozak told Donnie that the world REALLY did not revolve around him, Donnie said, "At $200.00 dollars an hour, it most certainly does!"  Dr. Mozak NEVER took a dime from Donnie just to prove his point.

Over a decade later, Donnie has come to the realization that truly the world does not revolve around him.  It revolved before he was born, it will revolve after he is gone, and the hardest part for Donnie to face is that it makes no difference whether Donnie is here or not.  Donnie wanted to be one of the extra ordinary people in the world.  The truth is he is just an ordinary guy.  That truth is not setting him free but causing him to tail spin in a suicidal spiral heading strait for hell.

When I asked Donnie what he was feeling, he cried, "I am living in hell on earth, how much worse can hell be?"  I understand that Donnie is hyper sensitive.  For one reason or another, Donnie is looking for Jesus to hold, hug and comfort him.  For over a half century, Jesus has refused to do that.  In the meantime, I as John Thomas, have self appointed myself to be God's messenger to do just that.

Donnie feels closest to God when he is by the ocean.  Today, I will hold, hug and comfort this precious little boy until Jesus decides to return or it is time to return him to "the prison" or the "VA version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" as he calls it. 

My Mental Health is Deteriorating

There are no longer any expectations of having anyone read this.  I write, only for the reason of trying to maintain the little sanity that I have left.  The truth of the matter is that my mental health is deteriorating.

First, my entire left side of my body is in chronic pain.  There is constant throbbing in the back of my brain like a remote control that is broken and continues to change channels, pause, and then change the channel again.  Over and over.  Day and night.  With no money, I am unable to see the chiropractor who would be able to adjust my neck, back and hip.  My heart hurts.  Not from the broken heart valve but from being unable to receive love from any human being.  My only two sources of love were Baby and Clyde and I have no idea where there are.  Last I knew they were in LA county.  I now live in Santa Barbara County.

My legs do not work anymore.  With the tremendous pain in my left hip, I hobble and stumble around like the local town drunk.  Unfortunately, I am sober.  My equilibrium is gone so often the muscles in my leg go out and I fall to the pavement.  The only good news is that I have relief from the hammer toe that presses against the callous on my little baby toe which causes me to wince with each step I take.

That is only the physical.  What concerns me the most is that my mental health is deteriorating.  I no longer wish to be alive.  With my last psychotic break, I have lost touch with reality.  My delusions of Grandeur have me living in the VA version of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and in the prison scene from "Chicago".  I can only see the two female managers as Nurse Ratchet and the Warden.  I asked to live in Ventura and Uncle Sam sent me to Santa Barbara.

I am in a living Hell.   I live in the most beautiful wine country in America and I am forbidden to ever drink a drop of wine ever again.  They even protest to my partaking in the Eucharist at my local Catholic church.  Failure to maintain complete sobriety are grounds to have me back on the streets. homeless again.  Living in their prison even forbids me to receive mail at the address.  Even today, I was denied a library card.  The librarian suggested I use a family or friends address.  The problem is I have no friends or family in Santa Barbara.  Actually, I do not know anyone at all in Santa Barbara.  Well, Ellen Degeneres but that is just another delusion of grandeur of mine.

Last Saturday, I had almost no energy to get out of bed at all.  I managed to do one thing.  I walked, well, stumbled to the local Rite Aid to get a nail file.  After eating dinner, I returned to wait to die in my bed, only to have one of the 24 inmates in my dorm tell me that I should just kill myself and he left a razor blade stuck in the wood of the railing of my bunk bed.

Sunday was almost no different.  I returned to the Rite Aid to purchase a Master lock.  Nurse Ratchet told me if they did not have a copy of the key to my locker that my lock would be cut off.  One of the female inmates told me to jump off the ledge of the balcony that I was sitting on.  I contemplated.

Monday was the nightmare at the California DMV.  After Catholic charities was kind enough to give me a voucher for a state ID.  I was informed that I needed $162.00 for my California plates.  $59.95 for the Admissions test which I will fail.  God only knows how much money it will cost me to get the repairs needed to turn off the three engine lights on my dashboard.  If I did not have the money for the state ID, where do they expect me to find the money needed for the vehicle to be in compliance with state code.  My Buick Century is REALLY my house not my car.  The prison that I live at will not let me exceed the locker compartment for storage they have given me.  Imagine everything you own to be stored in your car and the stress and fear that your car will be towed and impounded.  Once towed, the fines will continue to be added up and I will be put in a different prison for failure to pay.  I am unable to sell the car as it does not meet California code.  The stress is TOO much for me.

Tuesday instead of looking for work, I was so exhausted from sleep deprivation that I went to the Santa Barbara zoo.  My bunk is next to the exit light and the bathroom.  Having 24 guys up and down all night long going to the bathroom keeps me up.  Being light sensitive, I barely sleep because of the exit sign light and the bathroom light going off and on.  However, the main source of sleep deprivation comes from the over one half dozen men who snore like monsters.  One is next to me, another below me, and another across from me.  I am in hell.  At the zoo, I had the delusion of grandeur that I was Dr. Doolittle and almost climbed into the lion cage to pet the lions.  I just wanted to talk to them.  A zoo employee started a conversation with me.  Maybe it was one of God's angels sent to protect me.  Who knows?

Wednesday I had an Incredible lunch at Casa Esperanza.  After leaving, I seriously thought about walking in front of the Amtrack train and just ending it all.  As the train raced past me, I felt that I had chosen poorly as I stood and watched the train pass me by just as I have watched my life pass before my eyes.  Although pathetic as it may be, I just want to die.  There is no wife, children and grandchildren in my future.  Homosexuality makes me suicidal.  Six months and I am unable to find a job.  Exhausted, I just went back to the zoo.  Not to talk to the animals.  Just to sleep.

How I dream of sleeping and never waking up again.

Eternal rest until Jesus comes back.

My dream is merely a nightmare.  Today is Thursday and  I have punished you by having you read this mess.

By the way, how was your week?



I hope and pray it was much better than mine.

Happy Labor Day

I spent the day going from Malibu beach to Santa Monica beach and then to Venice Beach.

What a wonderful way to spend Labor Day this year!

How did you spend Labor Day this year?

Feed My Sheep

Jesus asked me today, "Do you love me?"

"Yes, Lord."

"Then feed my sheep."

Arriving early at Social Service this morning where I volunteer, my boss Tina asked me to put on some gloves and help serve breakfast.  "I would love to" was my response.

Jesus asked me later, "Do you love me?"

"Yes, Lord.  You know I do."

"then tend to my sheep."

There was a break after breakfast and Tina asked me to introduce the new community service worker to the clients.  We do not have poor or homeless at Get Love, we have clients.  It struck me funny that I choose to be here but the man doing community service was forced to be there.  There is nothing that makes me more nervous than introducing people to each other.  Sometimes I have forgotten my own mother's name because of the anxiety it causes me.

As I took this new member of our team out to the patio,  I stood in awe of how many of the client's names that I knew.  Not only did I know their name but I also knew their story.  I felt as if I was on my very own patio mingling with very close friends and family.  The mystical moment came to my mind that    truly I am.

"Do you love me?"  Jesus asks a third time.

No answer was needed - I just invited Jesus Christ into my heart to check for himself.

"Then feed my lambs."

I thanked the clients for talking with Michael and me.  He thanked them too.  Then we both joined the other volunteers and served lunch.

Doing God's Work

Yesterday I stopped a man from killing a homeless man.  He was irate because this man was tormenting another handicapped homeless senior citizen.  One of the demon possessed clients at social service was having a tumultuous bout with demons.  I was the only one who was able to calm him down.  All I said was, "Are you alright. Raymond?"  Raymond said, "I am okay, thanks."   There was another homeless individual who was frantic about his recent experience with homelessness.  I sat down with him and explained how he would never starve as there are many organizations who feed the poor and that he has several options for finding employment.  He was relieved.

Later that day, I felt that I had wasted the day and felt bad that I was still homeless and unemployed.  I even questioned God as to why I was here on this earth.

God just shrugged his shoulders and I sensed him say, "Really?" as he flashed back a couple of the individuals that I had helped during the day.  God allowed me to star in my very own version of "It's a Wonderful Life!" for a day.

Today I will do God's work at the food pantry.

Tomorrow I will begin week twelve at Food on Foot.

A Mystical Moment

Friday I went to the food line at Romaine and Sycamore in Hollywood.  As I was waiting for the food truck to arrive, the man who runs the Meals on Wheels announces that he is short volunteers.  He asks for volunteers and then looks right at me and asks me if I would serve.  Truly it is better to serve than to be served.  I felt special.  I felt chosen.

As I was serving the homeless, the poor and many of my new found friends as I am in the similar predicament, I saw a friend of mine who had just been released from being incarcerated for his violent behavior.  I let him know how much I had missed him and how good it was to see him again.  After I was done serving, I joined my friend and had dinner with him.  The rest of my friends that I had gone to the food line had come and gone.  I looked forward to seeing them on Sunday at Food on Foot.

My friend started by telling me that he could see light around me.  He felt safe to talk to me.  For the next seven hours, my friend would unleash hours and hours of unbridled pain and anguish that he has been in for many years.  I felt like I had two angels on each of my shoulders.  One angel was Jay from Food on Foot who would shout in my right ear and tell me to LISTEN every time I wanted to offer a word of advice.  I remained silent.  On the other shoulder, Silvana from Food on Foot would whisper in my left ear just to LOVE and not be judgmental.  The entire evening and into the early morning, I listened and loved my friend.  It was mystical.  It was magical.  It was a divine moment when I knew that God was using me as his vessel.

The moral of the story.  My friend thanked me SO much for how I convinced him to not kill the person who wronged him.  He no longer planned on killing him nor did he plan on beating him up so bad where he would be beyond recognition.  All I did was LISTEN and LOVE.  For me, this was a real life story of being part of the Butterfly Effect!

I won First Prize at Food on Foot today.  However, seeing Wayne get his prize for being in the program for 25 weeks, and Margarito graduating from the Gray shirt program and giving a Gray shirt to Lee Dunlap touched my heart so much more.  Knowing that my friend who lives in constant darkness and believes he is demon possessed was able to see the light of Jesus Christ around me leads me to believe that "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it."

Thank you for letting me share this mystical moment with you!

YOU Light Up My Life

YOU Light Up My Life!

Thank you SO much for being part of my life!

Being published for the first time

If you get a chance, please contact Food on Foot at www.foodonfoot.org and ask them to send you their newsletter, Foot Notes.Volume 4, Issue 4, August 2011.  Something I wrote was published.  If you are too lazy or do not have the time, I have taken the liberty to reprint the article here.

SILVANA SHARES

As Food on Foot's Program Director, I recently received a rare email from one of our Work for Food participants.  Each week, I counsel them on an individual basis, work with the crews that pick up trash on Mondays, teach them computer skills, and supervise as they read to the elderly on Wednesdays.  I help guide them in a positive direction with words of encouragement and am truly rewarded when they graduate into a full time job, becoming tax payers instead of tax burdens.  John Thomas has been a proud     member of the WFF crew for 7 weeks.

Dear Silvana~


Although my mind tells me not to send you this email, I have decided to listen to my heart.  Uncertain as to whether you have heard about the results but I won the first prize today.  It has been a long time since I have won first prize in anything.  Thank you and Food on Foot for giving me hope, a new lease on life and a desire to get back into the game again.  For several reasons, I seem to have lost my way on the journey called life.  You will never know the joy and and elation that filled my heart today when Jay announced my name.


No longer do I consider myself a loser.  From now on, I want to be a winner!  Without question or doubt, today was the best day of 2011 for me!  Random acts of kindness has completely reshaped the way I look at life.  Jay and Food on Foot has helped me realize that I need to earn a living and that I was wrong for expecting to be fed by a silver spoon.  There is dignity and self respect in picking up garbage to make the world a better place to live.  You, Liz and Thuong (Sunday Program Managers) pour your hearts and souls into helping us get back on our feet.  I now am an ambassador for Food on Foot.  Everything I do directly reflects on the organization.  My hope, goal and intention is to continue to live life in an effort that my actions will make you proud and bring praises to Food on Foot.


Absolutely elated,


John Thomas

Loving Life in California

Last week I was at the mansion of Elizabeth Taylor in Beverly Hills.  Recently, I saw Debbie Reynolds on the TV show, So You Think You Can Dance.  Last night I was at Eddie Canter's restaurant on Fairfax, meeting with someone who is thinking about funding my documentary while we were listening to a musician who might be producing the original musical score for Project Homeless.  Next week, I have been invited to my first party in Malibu!  Not bad for a "dude" who is homeless and without a job.

Which church did Sheila Tillis and I go to this past Sunday?

Sheila Tillis and I are both participating in the Food on Foot program.  Sheila Tillis is Baptist.  I converted from being a Baptist to being a member of the Catholic church.  Which church did Sheila Tillis and I go to this past Sunday?

Contemplation on being the Prodigal Son

First, I must inform you that Donnie is unable to answer this question.  I have not seen Donnie since the day Baby flew away to join a band of parrots.  The only thing I know is that Donnie was so fragmented and so confused with his disassociative disorder that I am SO happy that he is free at last to be one with God, nature, the ocean and his quest to find and tend to Baby.

Having a physical body left behind, I am happy to recreate and become the person I always wished to be.  My name is John Thomas and I was the younger brother who wasted his fortune on drugs, alcohol, loose women and men, and denied myself no pleasure known to man.  However, I returned and repented  to my Father in heaven and I find myself starting life all over again.  A new beginning.  A fresh start.  John Thomas has no past.  All my sin has been washed away by the blood of Jesus.

Today I find myself to be the older brother.  My purpose and meaning for life only includes doing the will of my Father in heaven.  Out of the 50 states in our country, I chose to live in California.  My heart desires to be in Venice or Santa Monica Beach.  The Lord seems to have requested that I work, presently, in Hollywood.  Therefore, Hollywood is where you will find me.  No longer am I on the quest  to become a famous star but I find myself to be a servant.  Three or four days a week, I work at Social Services trying to feed the hungry, giving something to drink to the thirsty.  Sometimes I help to clothe the naked.  Other times, I try to visit those who are in prison.  My main passion is to help find homes for the homeless.   Working at the Food Pantry gives me the chance to help feed hundreds of the poor and struggling every time I volunteer.  This Sunday will be the tenth week that I have worked at Food on Foot.  As I graduate from the first third of the program, I pray as if it is God's will for me to continue to the second third.  Let me remind you that I have asked God to close every door that he does not wish for me to enter.  Therefore, I wait.  And Contemplate.

What I need to focus on the most is to forgive and not to resent.  When I was the older brother in the past, I resented others for being the reckless younger brother.  I resented being the obedient brother so much that I left the fold and became like the younger brother.  When I was the reckless younger brother, I resented the lack of compassion given to me by friends, family and church people.  Now again as I focus on being the older brother, I must be careful not to resent my younger reckless brothers and sisters for their lives of debauchery.  What is even worse is that I must not resent and must forgive my older brothers and sisters for their lack of compassion to me and the lost, especially the homeless.

With God, the Father not here on earth, I find that the older brothers and sisters have locked the doors to my younger brothers and sisters, out of God's house, His church.  What is God's will and plan for the homeless?  For this I contemplate and commit to do as my life work.

What am I gonna do?

What are you gonna do?

What are we gonna do?

Remember the Prodigal Son?

Do you remember the parable of the Prodigal Son?

Long story, short.  There are two brothers.  The younger brother asks his Father for his portion of the inheritance and wastes his fortune on drugs, wine and women.  The older brother stays home and works the land for his Father.  The younger brother realizes his mistake and goes home and repents to his Father.  The Father is elated and throws a huge party for the younger brother.  The older brother is pissed off.

My question today is which brother am I?

God's House

What a JOY it is for me to be able to go to God's house!

At mass today, as I prayed the Lord's prayer, it was clear to me that God ALWAYS provides me and my homeless friends our daily bread through all the organizations like Get Love who feed the hungry.

Yet my heart pangs in grief as little is being done to house the homeless.  My solution to the homeless situation is unlocking the doors to the church and inviting the homeless into God's house.  Is that God's plan?  I pray, contemplate and wait patiently for God's answer.

Will you pray with me?

"What am I gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are we gonna do?

If you get a chance, please check out Mr. Shawn 'Donyell's video on You Tube entitled Gonna Do.

Hopefully, Shawn will allow me to use his song as the theme song for the Project Homeless documentary.

Life has become very busy for me as I have been volunteering full time at Social Services and the Food Pantry at The Church of the Blessed Sacrament.  This Sunday will complete the first phase of three at the Food on Foot program that I have been working at for the past ten weeks.  Learning as much as I can about filming as I have another PSA (Public Service Announcement) to shoot this week.  My car is home for my fourth tenant as we work to find alternative housing and to help yet one more person from living life on the streets.  Slowly and patiently I move forward as friends join in my effort to continue working on the Project Homeless documentary.

Each one.  Help one.

I implore YOU to ask God how you might be able to help me - help others!

Making the Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi MY Own

Dear Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love,

where there is injury, pardon,

where there is doubt, faith,

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light:

and where there is sadness,  JOY.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love,

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning, that we are pardoned,

it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Oh Lord, hear OUR prayer!

Do Your Acts of Kindness in Secret

I am SO sorry that I have not been writing as much as usual.

In Matthew, Jesus tells us to do our acts of kindness in secret.

Please forgive me while this right hand does not tell you what the left hand is doing.

Trust me that Random Acts of Kindness now defines me as who I am!

Clyde Update

Clyde is a widower.  His wife died trying to pass the twelve eggs that they were expecting.

I wonder which is worse?  To have loved and lost or to have never loved at all.

I wish I could speak bearded dragon.

In the meantime, I shall just hold Clyde close to my heart.

If that were to happen to me, I would want someone to hold me for a very long time!

Duality

Elizabeth Taylor is a legend in the entertainment business.  She was the first female actress to be paid a million dollars for a film.  Remember Cleopatra?  Her life has ended here on earth.  Yet her legacy is that she left her mansion in Beverly Hills as a foundation and a home for alcohol and drug rehab.

The Kodak Theatre is the home of the Academy Awards where all the stars dripping in diamonds and wearing expensive gowns walk the red carpet like our very own version of American Royalty.  Last night I was entertained by the Downtown Project at a free Hollywood concert.

The homeless are treated as modern day lepers in our society.  Yet one of the clients named Kenny wrote one of the most touching pieces of literature I have ever read.  Like Thomas Aquinas, after reading Kenny's work, I feel that it might be best for me to set down my pen and/or step away from the laptop.

As I volunteered with an artist named Chris, I was moved to tears when I saw his life sized painting of one of his homeless friends named Wrigley.  Instead of being treated as a leper, Wrigley was painted in love, with compassion, and now is an incredible work of art.

"He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it.  He will be faithful to complete it.  He who started a good work will be faithful to complete it in me!:

Walking on the Straight and Narrow PATH

All is well in my Universe!

I live in a new world now.  A world that is governed by random acts of kindness.  This is not home but I am merely a visitor on a planet which is spiraling down to the pits of depravity on an elevator headed straight to hell.  My home is in heaven with Jesus Christ who is the creator of the entire universe.  As a child of God and a friend of Jesus Christ, I now find myself walking on the straight and narrow path.

"I have been been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me!"

Tomorrow I will drive my tenants, Frick and Frack to PATH.  Hopefully, if they are the first 10 people in line, they will have jumped through all the hoops necessary to be able to live in this temporary shelter.
I pray and hope that the People Assisting The Homeless (PATH) will end their (what seems to be eternal) life of living on the streets.

My friend Albert and his daughter, Kimberly started their first week at Food on Foot.  Next Sunday will be my ninth week in the program.  Hopefully,  I continue to be on the fast track to starting a full time job in a couple of weeks and getting my new apartment shortly after.  Albert is going to volunteer at the Food Pantry with me.  God is blessing Albert's life in a powerful and amazing way.  He has been reunited with his daughter as they start life out together sober.  His ex-wife is a member of The Church of the Blessed Sacrament!  Although she is remarried, she is able to restore a friendship that unites and ties their family in a new bond of love.

When the disciples came to Jesus when he walked this earth over two thousand years ago, they told Jesus,  "Your mother and brothers are here to see you."

Jesus said, "Who is my mother?  Who is my brother?  I tell you the truth, whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my mother, brother and sister."

Now I tell YOU the truth.  I now live with my mother and brothers and sisters as my purpose and meaning in life has changed it's focus from me to one which tries to be selfless as I try to listen to the Shepherd and feed and tend to His sheep.

"Do you love me?"  Jesus asks me.

"Yes, Lord, I do."

"Then feed my sheep."  says The Word of God.

"Lord, Tyrone, and Albert and Rosa and I and my brothers and sisters volunteer at the Food Pantry."

"Do you love me?"  Jesus asks again.

"Yes, Lord, I do."

"Then tend to my sheep."   My Savior instructs.

"Lord, My bothers and sisters and I help feed the hungry, give the thirsty something to drink, clothe the naked, tend to those who have been in prison, and invite strangers into Social Services, and yes, we even try to help the homeless find new homes."

"Do you love me?"  Jesus asks me the third time.

"Yes Lord, YOU know that I do."  Tears of JOY well up in my eyes and flood from the depths of my soul.

"Then love my lambs."  Jesus pleads.

It is now JOY and an honor to be commissioned by God to love his lambs.

AND YET my heart writhes in pain as I wander on this path as to what is to become with all the goats.  It has become easy to love God's lambs.  But I wonder how am I to reach out to the goats?

"GET LOVE."

And where am I to get this LOVE?

There is ONLY one answer to that question!

Frick and Frack's Week at the Saban

Today was the fifth day that Frick and Frack were told to come to the Saban Clinic.

They were instructed to be there at 8:00 am even though the doctors do not arrive until 9:00 am.

There was an emergency and then an office meeting (staff birthday party)

Long story, short.  Frack got his test results at 2:30 pm.

PATH is closed on the weekend.

Frick and Frck will have to wait until Monday to see if they qualify to stay at PATH.

These two kids will have spent another week, on the streets or in my car, homeless.

The Day from Hell Meets The Night from Heaven

I had the day from hell today.  I will spare you the details.

However, I had the night from heaven.

I was at the right place at the right time!

Today I filmed five Public Service Announcements.  (PSA)

One for MTV Pakistan

Another for MTV Africa

Another for MTV England

One for Power of Green

and the fifth for the Food Pantry at The Church of the Blessed Sacrament.

I was almost the talent who interviewed the Hip Hop Star BIG BAD 40.

This could ONLY happen in Hollywood!

Filming

I am filming again today!

Please wish me luck!

Frick and Frack

Frick and Frack are two homeless men who are presently living in my car.

I will tell you their names when they give me permission to be primary case studies for the documentary, Project Homeless.  For more information, please check www.projecthomeless.info

Here is their day today.

We woke up at 6:00 am.

We walked to Social Services and arrived at 7:00 am.

They waited 3 and 1/2 hours to see a case worker.

Frack had a meeting at 11:00 am so they were unable to eat lunch as they had to run to their next meeting.  Social Services referred them to two other organizations.

Frick had a doctor's appointment at 1:00 pm which Frack joined and waited after he completed his meeting.  Frick was getting his TB test in order to be able to qualify to stay at a shelter.

Frick and Frack waited until 5:00 pm to get a two minute TB test.  Frick will need to return in three days to get the results.  Without the results, they are unable to stay at the shelter.  Frack will have to come back tomorrow as he was not in the age group being seen today.

Frick and Frack then took the bus to the Village to use the computer center.  They open at 6:00 pm.  They each are allowed to use the computer for one hour each.  They had to wait until 8:00 pm to get on the computer.  The computer center closes at 9:00 pm.

They waited for buses and met me at the car at 10:00 pm.

We talked until 11:00 pm.  They found out that sleeping in the car is illegal also.  It is called vagrancy by the LAPD.  However, since they were almost ticketed and arrested for sleeping in the park, they will take their chances in my car.

Frick and Frack need to be at the Saban Free Clinic at 7:00 am to start their day out again.

Pleasant Dreams Frick and Frack!

Clyde Update

Clyde is married now.  Clyde and his wife are expecting as she has laid twelve eggs.

Maybe God misunderstood I needed 12 disciples for the homeless ministry not 12 dragons.

Nonetheless, I am elated.  I am going to be a grandfather!

Random Acts of Kindness

Random Acts of Kindness has changed the way I live my life!

As I was walking to church to volunteer at Social Services, I ran into my boss from Food on Foot.  He had forgotten his belt and asked me if I had an extra belt in my back pack.  Although I did not have an extra belt, I did give him the one I was wearing.  With all the weight I have been gaining, I no longer need a belt to hold my shorts up.

When I was serving lunch at my catholic church to the homeless, I had a long conversation with some of the volunteers God had sent from Washington State.  One of my new friends Jonathon is a pastor at the Presyberterian church in his city.  How wonderful it was to let him know that I had been defending his faith to a member of the Disciples of Christ.  Jonathon gave me the cliff note version of his faith and it seems that I was right on from my discussion with another who opposed his church.  The coolest connection is that Jonathon and I both went to Fuller Seminary in Pasadena.  His son and I both were in the Air Force and we both were in the musical, Bye Bye Birdie when we were in high school.  How Calvinistic that we were predestined to meet here?

The clothes closet was closed but I was happy to give a homeless person a shirt which I did have in my back pack.

As I walked past the First Baptist church, I informed a homeless man that the LAPD give tickets for loitering on this church property.  Their church doors are locked and there steps are off limits.  The homeless man thanked me as he saw a mounted policeman coming riding on a horse while he looked over my shoulder.  I told him that I had his back.

Another random act of kindness was that I gave another homeless man who seemed to be starving a bag of chips that I intended to have for a snack with salsa later this evening.  Like I said earlier, the fact that I no longer need a belt could be a good sign that I might not need those chips.

The reason I am here at the library is because I came here to meet two friends who I am going to let live in my car.  They have been hassled by the police lately and since I am sleeping on a floor, I am happy to share my former home/car with my friends.

Random Acts of Kindness has changed my life!

Food on Foot - Week 7

Today was the best day of the year for me!

Did number 7 hit on the roulette wheel and I had a hundred dollar bet?  That would have been nice but that would merely be a shadow of the happiness that happened for me today.

Did I win the Pulitzer Prize or an Oscar?  Even that would not bring the JOY that I experienced on this hot Sunday in July.

Jay announced that I was the first place winner at Food on Foot!

I am absolutely elated!

God Works in Strange and Mysterious Ways

God works in strange and mysterious ways!

While volunteering at the food pantry, someone asked me if I would like to work on a public service announcement.  Having nothing better to do, I agree.  Tyrone has worked at the food pantry for over sixteen years.  He actually said, "God has sent you here for a purpose!"  Coming from a Christian, I would expect someone to say that.  The irony is Tyrone is not a Christian.  He volunteers at the food pantry because he says "it is the right thing to do".  Often when a disgruntled homeless person screams obscenities and tells Tyrone to "Go to hell!"  Tyrone simply says, "I'll see you there."

Here I am.  A homeless and jobless person in Hollywood.  Last night, I was working with some of the top names of Hip Hop in the music industry.  Here is a picture of me with Bevry.

Here I am working on the PSA with Bevry and Emron who is the host of MTV in Pakistan.
It was so cool to be so up front and personal with each of them.  I actually was able to have a personal conversation with Bevry and Emron.

No longer am I going to say that I am jobless.  First, I am a volunteer at Social Services and the Food Pantry at The Church of the Blessed Sacrament.  I have applied for the position of Director of Operations at Food on Foot which is where I currently work.  Besides that, I am an oblate, a writer, a director and producer.  There is plenty of work for me to do.  Somehow God needs to find a way for me to get paid.

My primary purpose and mission in life is to help house the homeless.  Tyrone is my inspiration.  Technically, Tyrone is a homeless person.  For sixteen years, he has lived in the food pantry.  For sixteen years, Tyrone has volunteered at the Food Pantry.  He does not get paid.  For sixteen years, Tyrone has lived without money.

No longer am I going to say that I am a homeless person.  Sue Anderson Molenda, Lisa, Melinda and Renee have been kind enough to invite me into their home.  Sleeping on the floor behind the sofa is much more attractive to me than sleeping in a food pantry.

However, I am thrilled to report that my church has unlocked their doors to allow the homeless to take refuge.  Now if only God will send me those twelve disciples to open the church doors further to inviting more of the homeless into the House of God.  Maybe God will never send me those twelve helpers.  Maybe God is waiting for me to be like Jesus and find them myself.

Like I said, God does work in strange and mysterious ways!

Taking a gamble and lost

Today I had to make a decision.  Do I drive my car to the appointment or take public transportation?

There is almost no free parking in Hollywood.

I took a gamble on public transportation and lost.

It took me over three hours to get to my appointment.  Although it only took me two and half hours on the return, I ended up being late for the Food Pantry.  If Food on Foot finds out about this, they might kick  me out of their program.

Thank God Tyrone was very cool about the matter.  Next time, I will be sure to have Tyrone's phone number to call and inform him that I might be late.

Better yet, I just will not allow this incident to happen again!

What would Paradise look like to you?

Remember the movie, What Dreams May Come?

What would Paradise look like to you?

Please describe in detail what your Paradise would look like.
Please type your thoughts in the comment section of this blog.

Thanks!

Absolutely Ridiculous!

Today 11 homeless, some of them are my friends, were given tickets by the LAPD for sitting on the sidewalk waiting for dinner at the food line on Sycamore and Romaine in Hollywood.  Not one of these individuals will pay for this ticket as they will all go to free legal services at Social Service centers.  The pro bono lawyers will have to go before the judge and explain to him that the homeless have NO money to pay these ridiculous fines.  Thus, creating more of a strain on our legal system.

What is wrong with our society today?

This is Absolutely Ridiculous!

Back to the Drawing Board

They moved all the priests out of my church!  "Perfect!" I thought God had given me an entire floor of a building to house the homeless.  "Not so quickly sailor!"  The entire floor is being converted to administrative offices.

God sent ten volunteers to help us at Social Services and eight volunteers to help us at the Food Pantry today.  I am going to trust that God will send me a dozen volunteers to help house the homeless.

But for the time being I have to go back to the drawing board.  My bigger problem is where am I going to invite the homeless to sleep?  Do you see the picture above?  This one bedroom being advertised is on the low end of Hollywood housing.  If someone is even able to find a full time job at minimum wage.  His total earnings for the month is $1200.00 before taxes.  There will be more homeless soon as most companies are cutting 40 hour/week jobs to 32, 32 hours/week to 24, and 24 hour/week to 16.

"Dear God,  Those 310 empty pews are looking better every day at the Church of the Blessed Sacrament.  What do you think about us inviting the homeless to stay in your house?  The House of God.  Please get back with me and open the doors to make it happen or help me find another option.
Your servant and friend, John Thomas"

Napa Youth Group Visits Social Services

God is listening to my prayers!  Today I worked for God for six hours at Social Services.  God sent the Napa Youth Group to help us feed, care and clothe the homeless and the poor at The Church of the Blessed Sacrament.  Now I just need to build and wait for God to send me a dozen disciples to help me provide overnight housing for the homeless.

Oh Lord, hear my prayer!

Consider It Pure Joy

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials and temptations of many kinds.  Because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you be mature and complete, not lacking anything.....

How funny that I had a conversation with Jeff today that Martin Luther threw the book of James out of the Bible but then reconsidered and put it back in.

God has been testing me to see if I really trust him.  I REALLY do.

No longer am I homeless.  Sue Anderson Molenda and her three daughters have been so kind to allow me to sleep on their living room floor until I can get back on my feet again.

No longer am I jobless.  I completed my sixth week at Food on Foot.  FOF is a work for food program that helps the homeless and unemployed  return to the market place.  Today I won fourth place as being one of the best workers for the week.  In our training sessions, I have been working on overcoming my fear of public speaking.  My homework assignment was to turn in a resume before next Sunday.  I am actually being considered for the Director of Operations position at Food on Foot.  After not writing a resume for over twenty years, I am happy to report that I have completed my assignment already.

My first short film has prompted some professionals to invite me to be part of their public service announcement for the Power of Green.  They waited for me to complete work at Food on Foot before starting filming.  We resume filming on Tuesday.

I am finding my place to serve at the Church of the Blessed Sacrament.  I volunteer at the Food Pantry and Social Services.  Instead of being one of the homeless, I am now a volunteer.

My car is parked safe and sound on Selma.  The road I usually park on is under construction for the next two days.  The nice old man with the cute little dog, his friend and two of my friends helped me get my car started.  Did not even have to call Triple AAA.  My friends said they would push the car if they had too.  The only thing that was the matter was a loose cable connected to the battery.  A good thing because parking in the church parking lot over night is not an option.  Even Tyrone who has worked for the church for 16 years got his car towed for parking overnight.  (Still need to work on the locked church and the forbidden overnight parking lot)

THOSE WHO WAIT ON THE LORD WILL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH, THEY WILL BE LIFTED UP ON THE WINGS OF (SEAGULLS OR) EAGLES.

OH, THE LORD IS GOOD TO ME AND SO I THANK THE LORD!

Having a JOB day

Remember the story about JOB in the Bible?

I feel like I am having one of those days!

After adjusting to being jobless and homeless, my car breaks down after just paying $175.00 to have the car tuned up.  Seeing the mechanic switching batteries right after fixing my car, leads me to believe that maybe he switched my brand new battery with an old one of his.

Today I worked at the food pantry and more people complained about what I gave them rather than being thankful for what we did give them.

When I was at the food line this afternoon, one of my friends got beat up by a drug dealer because of some disagreement.  The security patrol defended the actions of the drug dealer.

Another one of my friend's Jack got punched in the face over this conversation.

"Get out of my way nig@#@."  Some guy from a gang demands.

"Excuse me, what did you say?"  Jack asks bewildered.

The guy from the gang punches Jack in the face.
The security patrol tells Jack to move along.  The gang member struts in the middle of the street.

Walking back to my broken car, I notice that the police have posted a temporary tow away zone for this Monday and Tuesday.  Having a broken car is one thing but the possibility that all I own is in that car and having it impounded is a little overwhelming.  My main concern is Clyde.

First, I had to adjust to Baby flying away to join a flock of parrots.  Little Donnie left on a quest to find Baby.  Now I had to call some strangers and ask them to be the foster parents to Clyde.  As many foster parents, their first concern was about the money that I would give them to care for my pet who had become like a child to me; much as most dogs are to their owners.

My little family of four has turned into a family of one.  Just me.  All alone again.  Although the lesson that I have learned is that I would have never been able to be a good husband and father, I am drowning in a flood of emotion that comes with a broken heart.  Love seems to continue to elude me.  I loved Baby.  I loved Donnie.   I loved Clyde.

Now they are all gone.

The moral of the story is that I must continue to trust, love and serve God.

"Although God slay me, yet will I hope in Him;  I will argue my ways to his face."

"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him..."

My First Day at Social Services

I was overwrought with emotion on my first day at Social Services.

Today I volunteered in the kitchen and prepared lunch for all our "clients".

My first job was when I was fourteen years old at Dog 'n' Suds.  My job was making the coney dogs.  Almost forty years later, God would use that job and that training so I would know how to make the chili cheese dogs with or without onions.  Just like I did way back then.

Starting life over with a brand new beginning.  This time for God's purpose and glory.

"If I could turn back time..."

Happy Belated Fourth of July

Food on Foot - Week 5

"If a man shall not work, he shall not eat."

Thus being said, I decided to volunteer/work at the Food Pantry three days a week.
On Tuesday and Thursday,  I work from 2:00 pm to 6:00 pm.  On Saturday, from 8am to noon.

"It is better to give than to receive."

Thus being said, I decided to volunteer/work at Social Services three days a week.
I work from 9:00 am to 1:00 pm  on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

In an effort to show that I am willing and wanting to get back into the market place,
I also work at Food on Foot from 9:00 am to 5:00 pm on Sunday.

The Director of Operations position is open at Food on Foot.
My hope and dream is that I can be hired at Food on Foot as the Director of Operations for twenty hours a week and also be the FOF liaison at The Church of the Blessed Sacrament for 24 hours.

Again, I pray God opens or closes this door!  May God's will be done, NOT mine.

A NEW OPPORTUNITY

A New Opportunity seems to have presented itself to me!

Maybe the solution to the homeless is inside the walls of The Church of the Blessed Sacrament.

Do you see my dilemna?  Let me give you a hint..

Remember when you were a little kid and you folded your hands with your fingers on top of your knuckles?  Then we would say with our hands folded.  "Here's the church?"

"Here's the steeple."  and we would point our pinkies to the sky.

"Open the doors."  and we would look in between our thumbs as we opened the double doors.

"Where are the people?" 

Sometimes, my church is only open for one hour of the twenty four hours in a day.  As catholics, we have the joy, honor and gift of being able to celebrate the Eucharist on a daily basis.  You are looking at 300 empty pews.  The twenty or thirty of us who come to mass sit in the 10 pews in the chapel area.

Where am I going to find the volunteers to help me provide shelter for the homeless if in fact, the church is the solution to end homelessness.  I found the perfect spot.  Now I need to build a team of volunteers.
Jesus had twelve disciples for his ministry.  I think twelve volunteers will be the perfect number to start this ministry.  Here is a list of the twelve positions God needs to fill.

1.)  A Righteous Man

2.)  A Prayer Warrior

3.)  A Person with the gift of helps

4.)  A Person with the gift of healing

5.)  A Samson ( A Bouncer)

6.)  A Person with the gift of Administration

7.)  A Person with the gift of Leadership

8.)  A Person with the gift of Hospitality

9.)  A Person with the gift of Mercy

10.)  A Person with the Gift of Giving

11.)  YOU

12.)  To Be Announced

Oh Lord, hear my prayer.  You sent the animals to the ark before the flood.  Now I implore you to send me these twelve people to help me get this ministry started.

Now fold your hands with your fingers under your knuckles and repeat after me.

"We are the church."

"Here is our steeple."  Point your pinkies to the heavens.

"Open the door."  Fold your thumbs back.

"And HERE are the people!"  Now wiggle your fingers.

I was at the Crystal Cathedral years ago, when Robert Schuller asked Mother Teresa what she needed from his church and from him.  Robert Schuller was referring to money, blankets, medical supplies, etc as at the time the church was one of the most prosperous churches in America.  Mother Teresa never said a word.  She quietly held Robert Schuller's hands and looked him in the eye.  Robert Schuller for one of the first times ever was speechless.

Robert Schuller never went to India with Mother Teresa.  Neither did I.

The Crystal Cathedral is now in bankruptcy.

Now I do not need to go to India, there is plenty of work for me here in California.

Like Robert Schuller said, "Bloom where you are planted!"  I intend too.

The question is "Will YOU help me?"