I Put My Underwear on Backwards Today

To be honest, I think God was trying to teach me a lesson in a very funny way.  The last couple of days have been very difficult for me.  When I put my underwear on backwards today, a light when on.  For the last couples of years, the expression "the lights are on but nobody is home" seems to sum things up pretty well.

Yesterday the lesson was on love.

"No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."
1 Corinthians 13: 3b (Msg)

"Love means living the way God commanded us to live.  As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this:  Live a life of love.  2 John 1:6 (NCV)"

"Life is all about love, because God is love."

Often in my life, I have tried to manufacture love.  It is not possible for me to love on my own accord.  For all those times, I had it backwards.  What I think God was trying to teach me today was that I need to allow God to flow and love through me.  God is love.  I am not.  God's love is unconditional.  My attempt at love is conditional.

Time and time again, I have written the lyrics from a song from the musical, "Pippin". 

"Rivers BELONG where they can ramble,
Eagles BELONG where they can fly,
I've got to be where my spirit can run free,
Gotta find my corner of the sky.

Today the journey towards a purpose driven life takes us "to a place where we belong."  Again, I had it backwards.  Although I feel closest to God when I am near the ocean, I belong with the body of believers.  I belong in a local church.  When I ended up homeless and jobless, I was unfairly mad at the church.  I have not attended a church regularly for the last two years.  Thankfully, God has opened my eyes which were once blind.  It was not the church's fault that I ended up homeless.  It was not the church's fault that I ended up jobless.  There is no one to blame for the self destruction of my life except for me.  I am totally responsible for the situation I put myself in.

Yesterday I ranted and raved that no one was helping me with my expenses to get my things shipped out to California.  One of those items in my storage unit is a coffin.  What am I doing with a coffin?  Because I was so depressed and suicidal, I was preparing for my own funeral.  Once again, I had it backwards.  A healthy individual would choose life.  You can see how mentally ill I was that I was choosing death.  Linda Groenwald and Kelly Williams laugh with me as we reminisce how I served brunch  with a coffin in my dining room.

Who would ever think that someone could learn so much about oneself by putting their underwear on backwards?  Only me, I guess.